Friday, May 27, 2005

Hamptons craziness

This was from Yesterday's Page 6

YOUNG Hollywood can rest easier now that police have arrested the man suspected of committing a string of burglaries in the Beverly Hills and Bel Air area.
Darnell Riley, 28, was officially busted two months ago in connection with a burglary/robbery at "Girls Gone Wild" gazillionaire Joe Francis' home in January 2004 — but he's also being investigated for break-ins at the homes of Paris Hilton, baby oil heiress Casey Johnson, club promoter Tommy Alastra and other L.A. celebs.

A source said the crime ring used a gorgeous Elite model, still at large, to infiltrate the Hollywood party scene: "She would befriend the men, get the security codes to their homes and then send Riley in."

Just before the 2004 Golden Globes, Francis returned to his Bel Air home as it was being robbed. The intruder Francis recently identified as Riley held him at gunpoint and stole $300,000 in cash and valuables.

Sources added that Francis was "being blackmailed." Francis would only say, "I can confirm I was robbed at gunpoint."

When Hilton's home was burgled in September of 2004, it looked eerily similar to the Francis break-in.

At the time, Hilton spokesman Elliot Mintz confirmed that a "very, very professional" gang swiped more than $100,000 worth of jewelry, cash, video tapes and other items from the Hollywood Hills house Paris was renting with her sister, Nicky.

After the burglary, more Hilton sex tapes mysteriously appeared, and damaging reports surfaced of a tape where Hilton supposedly used the "n-word."

Insiders say Hilton paid dearly to make sure the tape was never found. A source said, "She was blackmailed. She paid $20,000 a month to have that tape not released." Hilton told PAGE SIX via her rep, "Anyone who blackmails should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law."

Hollywood insiders say Frankie Muniz and Wes Anderson may also have been burglarized, but their reps deny it.

Steve Coleman, a Los Angeles police officer who worked the case, told PAGE SIX: "Darnell Riley is in custody and charged with burglary, robbery, and home invasion. This is an ongoing investigation."

Asked if the cops were looking into whether or not Riley had pulled the heists at the homes of Hilton, Johnson and the others, Coleman said, "That's fair to say."

This explains alot why there were so many rumors about Paris Hilton. I am not sure how you could blackmail Joe Franics I mean the guy makes money off of naked coeds. I guess the videos have to tbe really nasty.

I am heading off to the Hamptons tomorrow morning. I am meeting VD and rest of the claque at VD's Dad's new EastHamptons crib. I was going to go today but I think got a bit of food poisoning from some california rolls I bought at this sushi place. Never trust sushi made by mexicans. Half my face was completely swollen. When VD saw she thought I got punched in the face. We think might have been msg which is kind of weird because I only thought msg was in chinese food.

I took Thursday off to go shopping. I called in sick and made sure I stayed downtown so that no one from work would see me. The plan was to leave at noon today but the mexican sushi workers put a stop to that.

I felt sick all day but now I feel better. I am not too crazy about this weekend. The weather is going to be icky and everyone is coming out there. Got to expect the B&T to be showing in full force. Late I am watching the disney channel and watching the ending of Mulan. Maybe that's what I should do. Buy a sword to fight the crowds.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Attack of the diary farmers

I get the strangest comments.

pp, you realize that soy milk has like 3 times the calories of skim milk, don't you? and that cinnamon toast crunch is all sugar? try a bowl of grape nuts.

yeah, wheat is really *great for you...pssh

whole grains are good for you.

A lot of grains are actually highly allergenic- wheat being the primary one.

Sometimes I imagine the readers of my blog are a bunch of diary farmers in Iowa who are patroling the internet out to beat the crap outof anyone who mentions soy.

My Sunday with Mom was thing of a joy. First thing she said when she saw me was I was too fat and what was I eating? I was really glad that I took the garbage out before she came in because she would have gone crazy if she saw the empty ben and jerry's cartons. She told me to get out of my assembly of scoop jeans and juicy couture. She told me to get on office jockey clothes and to put my hair back.

I was really pissed. The last thing I wanted to do was wear my work clothes. But Mom was said that she wanted us all to look proper and did not want to attract needless attention. I was like we are looking at apartments. This isn't mission impossible.

Mom turned really cold. She told me that everyone is watching you especially in a co-op. They want to know who their neighbors are and the doormen are figuring who is going to be trouble for them. She kept telling me that you want to be invisible until after the board interview.

The open houses were a blur. I think we saw everyone one bedroom on the market in the upper west side. Nothing really caught my attention. My mom did all the talking asking questions about the maintenace and what is offered to people living in the building. I didn't say a word. It was her show.

We ended up going to Time Warner and bought groceries for both of us. I kept telling mom that she should do fresh direct. She wouldn't hear of it. She hands on when it comes to food shopping. She would rather make her own pizza than have it delivered.

It's cold and rainy. I am going in late today.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Back to the streets

I was enjoying myself watching tv only in my thong and letting the twins hangout with a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch drenched in soy milk when mom called to tell me that she was coming by to pick me up to go look to some open houses. I was not happy. Whenever its cold and rainy I like to crank up the heat walk around in my bare elegance while letting my brain turn to mush with the home shopping network on full balst.

I gave up buying an apartment for awhile. It was just too hard and from the advice of dad. Now I have to go back out into that hellhole. I want to sleep.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Revenge of the Virgins

Last night I met up with near work at Morrel Wine Bar where we feasted on Lobster Fricassee and Housemade Terrine of Hudson Valley Foie Gras. Dead duck and shellfish never tasted so good. Over steak and risotto I bitched about my co-workers and this stupid internship. VD spilled her inter war stories when she interned for this FX. There was this one beeyotch who kept getting her to do her work which was stuffing and licking envelopes. She kept trying to guilt trip VD saying that if VD screwed it was the beeyotch's ass on the line.

After dinner we walked to Ziegfeld Theatre to look at the crowd lining up for Star Wars. I wish I brought a camera to picture the crowd of nerds. VD cracked that there was probably a sci fi convention' worth. I giggled that this was probably the largest gathering of virgins of all of New York. There were fans dressed up as storm troopers and those other characters from star wars. There was a lot of cameras and media. There was also this huge van that had the name geek squad painted on it. We were completely out of place dressed in our juicy couture

A riot broke out when two guys were giving out free stuff. I think it was called game cards. I guess they are like pokemon. We overheard one guy at the front of the line that he had been there since 10am Tuesday. I have stood on line for concert tickets, trl even for sample sales but a movie? It's not as if this is the only time it will show.

Today VD was in a screaming rage because she had hired a crew of nyu students to promote a club but they never showed up. They all stood in line to watch the midnight showing of starwars. Thank you George Lucas.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Tuesday night

My bedroom is a complete mess. I have a pile of skirts on my desk, a collection of shopping bags that is gathering dust near my bathroom. My desk is covered with mail, old time out new yorks and Victoria Secret catalogs. I have been meaning to clean this up but I have been playing office jockey for the last couple of weeks and I am exhausted when I come back in.

Its actually my own fault. Its been like this for awhile and I keep telling myself I am going to clean this place up. I usally start cursing to myself that things will be different when I am missing one of my Jimmy Choos. Then I find it and run to a party and forget about seeing the light about being messy until next crisis.

Dad got me a palmpilot to help me organize but got really pissed when I lost it. It seems hopeless. I am lucky that I even get my bills done in time.

Straight out of Brooklyn

Last friday, I thought we were going bar hopping in the burh but we ended up at some house party in Greenpoint which I think was a big mistake.

When I was in high school I used to run around in the east village. It was a different time of hanging out in bars and clubs. But that ended one day when this posse of gangsta b**ches showed up at this bar and tried starting a fight with one of the girls who looked at one of their boyfriends.

Until graduation I never went down there at night. You would feel the same way if you saw three girls flashing razor blades in their mouths. This is what I felt like at this party.

The party was a friend of VD's F-buddy. Even though we got there at 10 it was still too early. There was only 5 people there including myself VD and B. not counting the DJ who is actually pretty good. There lots of food which I couldn't eat since it was all carbs but plenty of alcohol.

After 10 minutes I wanted to leave but T&K hadn't arrived yet and I sent a killion text mex but got no reply. Besides VD was making time with her F-Buddy and I was left talking with the host while B was talking on her cell. The host was actually a very nice guy. Born and raised in Brooklyn and works as a "consultant for the food and beverage industry" as he put it. If someone wanted to open up a restaurant or bar, they talked to him to round up what they needed and to make sure everyone got along with the locals. He had a bunch of messed up stories about bars but he said it was a good business because if you put in an invesment of 500k in a good bar stay there for 5 years and it gathers a following you can sell it off for a hefty profit.

T&K arrived totally drunk with their cabdriver who locked himself out of their cab. T started screaming about who about the tex mex I sent her. I told her to shut the f**k up and shoved a bottle in her mouth which she started to guzzle. It didn't surprise me since since T will put anything in her mouth.

I wanted to leave but VD and her F buddy dissappeared. Things got really fun when the cast of Good Times showed up. There were like 10 big black guys coming into the apartment. I think they were 10 but I think it was 5 guys and 1 guy that looked like 5 guys put together. They immediately started hitting on us but we grouped togther because B and I wanted to keep an eye on T and K. It was one of those moments that I was glad I had a job because I had soemthing to talk about. There was no way in hell they were going to know the true me. Two of the guys left with the cabdriver to help him out.

It got really scary when this herd of ghetto girls trolloped in. If you ever watch a 50 cent video there is a load of hot girls bumping and grinding with that hip hop attitude. These girls were nothing like that. They were skanky fat girls from around the way. There was this one white girl who introduced herself as Roxanne and began going about her mom named her after the rap song and kept repeating over and over "Roxanne, Roxanne, I want to be your man."

She was wearing a hoodie and trucker cap and blue jeans. Her hoodie was opened up enough to show off her black bra. She kept talking like she was a black chick whil one of her friends the fat black girl kept telling everyone to get on the dance floor and shake your booty. The girls kept their distance with us which I was very happy about. The guys were smart since they realized their time was beter spent hanging with the homegirls.

T&K were sitting laughing off their drunk, B and I were I sitting by the food trying to figure out how many calories the potato salad platter had.

I was over hearing a conversation between one of the b-boys and the ghetto girl it went something like this.

"When I'm on the clock I'm working. But when I'm off the clock its my time. Nobody bother me because I have to work on myself."

"That's awesome. I'm with you."

That's real deep. Just like that Greek philospher Plateau

The guy she was talking was wearing sunglasses despite the fact it was night. Maybe the lamps were too blinding for him. He was wearing a wifebeater that showed off all of his tats.

I imagined bad things because T&K get really oboxious when they get drunk and we were tourists in this party. These were real brooklynites who remember the bad old days when I was not in the mood to get bumrushed by Little Kim and the rest of bad boy entertainment. B and I were hashing out a plan. We would leave in pairs but we would have to take T and K seperately because there would be no way they could leave on their own without causing a scene.

But we had to get VD but I figured she was probably outside. It was alot easier to get T &K out. We told them we were getting cigarettes. B took K out first. I waited until I got a tex mex that they were a block away. T was in this deep conversation with this b-boy who was talking his kung fu training and how he was planning to go to China next year to go to Shaolin temple when the two guys who helped the cabbie walked into the apartment. One of the guys was screaming at the other guy calling him a punk and the other guy was walking away telling him to shut up. The host got in real quick and broke up the two while a crowd gathered. Screaming guy was yelling that his friend did not have his back because he didn't help him opening the door but the cabdriver didn't want him to do anything because he did not want anyone to break his cab. What ended up happening was that the cabbie had to pull his window while screaming friend reached down to unlock the door.

Screaming guy hurt his arm and blamed his homiez for not giving back. The host was busy breaking them apart when VD and her F-buddy walked in. It turned out they were on the roof. VD saw me dragging T out and the look on my face which said "We are leaving. Come with?"

VD was talking about getting cigs while I walked out with T without anyone noticing.
We walked over to the Pencil Factory. A short while later VD arrived sand F-buddy. B was laughing the whole time and we were telling her to shut up and she said she had something to show us. She reaches in her pocket and chucked out this dime bag on the table. We completely freaked out, VD snatched the bag and shoved it into her purse. I was so pissed. All we needed was a cop to walk in and we would have to spend the night in central booking. VD asked her where she got it. T said that it was from one of the boys from the party who was really stoned when he came in and he forgot that his stash was out on the table. She went klepto.

T wanted to grab some bambu and toke some but I was like no. Who knows what that s**t was laced with. And I told her didn't she see Training Day where Denzel forces Ethan to smoke the the bad bud. VD agreed. The last thing she wanted was T running around stark naked in a pigeon coop trying to fly.

I called the car service and we went home. I spent the rest of the weekend in the park and going shopping. It was a tame way to spend the rest of the weekend which was fine by me.

I really don't want to go to work. I am going to compromise and come in at 10.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Pradaprincess Comment Smackdown returns.

I haven’t done this in awhile and honestly I wanted to avoid it because I am trying enter a new phase in my life and it looked like there was progress being made but now its like I am getting smacked around for no reason. Apparently there are some people out there who got pissed off because I used the word oriental.

You know that "orientals" is totally NOT p.c. right? They are called Asians - come on PP - where is all of your class and royal upbringing now?

I don’t mean to be facist but I think its kind of funny people are getting worked up over a world. It reminds me of the time when Sarah Silverman said c***ks on Conan O’brien which even I thought was out of line. I mean I’d be pissed if Long Duk Dong were to say something anti-semetic on Conan. But I think everyone’s reaction reflection of the problem not the problem itself.

Being a PC cop doesn't mean you have any idea what class is. Drop off the high horse because you ain't getting any taller.

PP - could u edit the thing and say asians? If u were meant to be funny or ironic, it was done heavily enough.... thanks~

I am not trying to be hubris. But if it will get everyone off my back, I’ll take care of it. Seeing that your Japanese I am going to try to be sensitive. That’s a joke. Not the sensitive or changing the thing but you being Japanese. C’mon. Laugh. I’ve had a hard day acting as a shelf for a fat woman’s ass.

PP = fat racist whore
No. PP = Prada Princess. My god what’s the matter with you. Don’t you know how to do math?

i truly believed this blog was real until today. nobody, no matter how stupid, really says "orientals." sad. byebye.

I truly believed that you bathed once a day but passing you on the street changed that.

I'm with you, 10:38am. I have actually posted giving PP advice, but this one was a little too on the nose and I no longer believe this person is anything real. This is New York City, for heaven's sake. I don't know ANYONE under the age of 60 who still says "Orientals."

What advice did you give me exactly? Whatever it was it sure didn’t help since I am stuck in an internship I hate. Of course you don’t anyone under age of 60. Because you have no friends under the age of 60.

You know why you bore people? It's got nothing to do with the money you allegedly have. It's that you have to talk about it. All. The. F**king. Time.


What the f**k ole. We were getting along so well and you have to slap me for no reason. Your like those girls from Hebrew school who act like my best friend one week and then totally spread rumors about me having a third nipple which was actually a mole. I am watching myself around you.

This is the internet, ppl! Why should anyone bother with spellcheck? Btw, I am positive that this blog is a fake - PP is quite simply a comedic genius who slips up once in a while (VD? That's just TOO good). In fact, if it wasn't for Ole, this blog would be just plain boring. At least someone can provide the genuine article. –m

Ok. I don’t think my life is funny. Its more opera I guess. My conception of fake is that its not there. I am here writing this. How can this be fake? Yes. Her initials are VD. In school people would call her the clap. Of course that ended after she chipped a girls tooth. The only thing I slip is tongue and that is usually on the second date. But if the guy is really cute than I’ll pick teams for tonsil hockey.

Taking off for Williamsburg.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Friday can't come soon enough

Have you ever been really, really upset so upset you can't epxres it? Because if you talk about it or discuss it just feels like it will make it worse even though its probably for the best? When I was 6 I accidentally spilled my dad's coffee at dinner and splashed on my hand. I remember screaming and my father dragging me by the wrist to the kitchen sink and turned on the tap full cold. I remember it throbbing as if my hand had a life of its own and for a week I had to use my left hand to color.

VD wanted me to come to this pre-party for a museum. I wasn't in the mood.

Stupid people

I just got into a huge fight with troll ho and now she has one of the lawyers on her side. I am pissed as hell. Its not my fault the messenger was late. Now she is putting this whole thing on me. I am shaking so bad. I don't know if I am going to scream or cry or both. I have to get out of here.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


Catching up on the OC on tivo. Almost out of space.
I found this funny blog about Gwen Stephanie when I was looking up stuff
on goth lolita. Apparently alot of Asians NOT ORIENTALS. CHANGED ON FRIDAY THE 13TH AT 8:17. DON'T USE THE WORD ORIENTAL OR PEOPLE WILL GET MAD AT YOU. are miffed at her.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.

Feeling really bleah right now. I don't want to move or do anything. I just want to sit in my room and lie in bed. Driven was on VH1 talking about Lindsay. Its funny how that she has everything but she has her problems too. I wonder what its like to be famous and to be on the verge of greatness. The rich part I already know.

My overall opinion of work is that it sucks. Work is not something that anyone does voluntary. They either do it because they need the money, their bored or they want to avoid dealing with their families.

Big Sis called me today to thank me for the humongous box of Godiva chocolates. I asked if I took her husband by surprise. She told me he had me outgunned because she thinks he's planning an evening on a yacht.

She asked me about work, I told her it sucked and told her about troll ho. She told me that no matter where you go you are always going to be running into idiots. When she was a resident there was this resident who was constantly messing up everyone's schedule because she was always out partying and missing her shifts.

Sis told me to stick it out. The skills I'll learn are useless, I mean an office would hire monkeys if they could. The most important thing is learning about how to work and deal with people especially ones who are really annoying.

Tomorrow we are taking my mom out to the club in Greenwich and have dinner at the buffet. It will be nice to be together with them. Its kind of funny. I am looking foward to seeing them tomorrow.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Subway sucks

Last night I almost got into a fight on the subway. I was sitting on the train on the end seat by the door when this really thin Naomi Campbell type stood next to me. She kept putting her bag on my shoulder using it as a shelf. I am like what the f**k? I kept pushing it away and she kept putting it back on me and finally she made some comment about me moving then she could hold onto the bar which had nothing to do with her putting her cheap ass fake bag on me. I shot back she should have said something in the first place instead acting this way. We traded barbs. She said not to treat her as her child I told her I don't want you as my child, she said I was prejudice I said yeah towards annoying people like you. She kept pulling the race card and I asked her if she understood english, because I understood english and if she understood me I said that I was prejudice to annoying people. Then I yelled out was she raised in a barn.

The barbs continued. She threatened to annoy me some more and I made a comment what she was doing was harrasment and I could arrest her for assualt. She implied that she was a cop, I did not take the bait and did not back down, then she pulled the race card and said she was a black woman and muttered dsomething that the cop would take her side, I told her she wasn't black. She was white. That she was a black as OJ. She was in shock and then shut up. I knocked her out. When the train arrived I stood up slowly and tall, showed no fear and walked out. What was interesting was that there a black woman who sat next to me and but she did not jump in on her side.

I am not like this. I have had run ins with gangsta b******s and usally I try to get the hell away from them as fast as possible. Growing up I heard stories about bandanna wearing and low riding baggy pantsd hood women who carreid razor blades in their mouths. And we always had a fair number of wannabes.

But today I was in a really bad mood. I had to deal with more crap from the troll ho and now her posse was starting to gang up on me telling me what to do and giving me the crap work. All I wanted to do was go home. there was no way I was going to let Naomi Campbell treat me like that. She's just a stranger on the train.

I talked to VD on the phone and told her the story. She told me I was lucky that she was a skinny black chick and that she was not with friends. When she did an internship for a record company she worked on PR for this hip ho artist and had to work on a couple of events for him. Anyways whenever he came into the office he would bring in his guirlfriend who bring her girlfriends. It was very strange sight because this was a sisqo sized rapper while his girlfriend and her posse were all candidates for gastric bypass. So you see this little guy surrounded by this herd of cows. VD dreaded them coming in becasue the girlfriend would make all these outrageous demands and was constantly egged on by the her posse of Star Joneses.

The staff were always scared of dealing with these girls becasue they were really nasty and if the raised enough of a ruckus someone would get fired. That's why VD had to play b***h of the house since she wasn't being paid and they could fire her anytime.

I guess they got a kick out of ordering around the white girl but finally VD couldn't take it any more and told her boss that she wanted to be put into another department or else she was going to throw a chair at them. They put her in A&R.

VD loves hip hop. I mean 50 Cent In Da CLub is her party anthem and I remember she was the first girl I knew who was into Tupac. But she refuses to deal with hip hop acts because of the bulls**t it brings. VD told me the reason why Naomi Campbell didn't try to rip hair out and that no one backed her up was probably because she was skinny as funny as it sounds. The value systems is completely backwards in that world. Fat women are much preferred. If that girl was 200 pounds heavier she would have clobbered me and if she had a posse I would have been in the hospital. As VD put it when they are alone it is easier if they are in a pack its another story.

Got to go.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Its on.

Word got around about the fight I had with troll ho. Of course they all took her side. Now they are calling me Paris Hilton. It seems that one of the lawyers, most likely the beeyotch who rejected me blabbed about my trustfund.

It like all of a sudden like high school with the clique who choose a girl they do not like. ] Its noticeable because they all went to lunch without me. Usally one of them asks if I am interested in going to lunch and we end up going to Hale and Hearty.

I am going to try to ignore this and hopefully it will all go away.

The Fight

I got into a fight with one of the paralegals yesterday. I was doing some filing when one of them who I will call the troll ho who asked if she could change jobs with them. She was playing xerox cop for the past coupel of days and was going crazy.

I was like sure. And I was stuck doing copies in this closet, sweating my ass off in this tiny room with the door closed since the copier could be heard by the whole office. Halfway through the job the copier jammed. After burning my fingers and getting covered with toner, a lawyer bumped me off the copier. An hour later I got back on and then I got yelled at for not finishing the filing. It turned out the troll ho took off for lunch before finishing the job leaving me to finish it.

When she got back we got into this huge arguement about what happened. I told her it was her fault that I got into trouble. She told me that I was just an intern and that I couldn't tell her what to do. I was about to scream at her when one of the lawyers told us to get back to work.

I really don't want to go work if I have to deal with troll ho. Why are people so stupid?

Sunday, May 01, 2005

The weekend is over already.

I was up till 5am Saturday binge drinking with the claque. We did a tour of apartments in Chelsea. Yummy looking boys all over with smooth freshly waxed bodies. It took all of yesterday to recover. Spent the rest of Sunday sitting in the park and listening to my ipod with VD who was reading Lovely Bones.

Tomorrow I have to go back to work as an office jockey. I can't deal with wearing the same outfit. I miss you Ally Mcbeal.