Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Straight out of Brooklyn

Last friday, I thought we were going bar hopping in the burh but we ended up at some house party in Greenpoint which I think was a big mistake.

When I was in high school I used to run around in the east village. It was a different time of hanging out in bars and clubs. But that ended one day when this posse of gangsta b**ches showed up at this bar and tried starting a fight with one of the girls who looked at one of their boyfriends.

Until graduation I never went down there at night. You would feel the same way if you saw three girls flashing razor blades in their mouths. This is what I felt like at this party.

The party was a friend of VD's F-buddy. Even though we got there at 10 it was still too early. There was only 5 people there including myself VD and B. not counting the DJ who is actually pretty good. There lots of food which I couldn't eat since it was all carbs but plenty of alcohol.

After 10 minutes I wanted to leave but T&K hadn't arrived yet and I sent a killion text mex but got no reply. Besides VD was making time with her F-Buddy and I was left talking with the host while B was talking on her cell. The host was actually a very nice guy. Born and raised in Brooklyn and works as a "consultant for the food and beverage industry" as he put it. If someone wanted to open up a restaurant or bar, they talked to him to round up what they needed and to make sure everyone got along with the locals. He had a bunch of messed up stories about bars but he said it was a good business because if you put in an invesment of 500k in a good bar stay there for 5 years and it gathers a following you can sell it off for a hefty profit.

T&K arrived totally drunk with their cabdriver who locked himself out of their cab. T started screaming about who about the tex mex I sent her. I told her to shut the f**k up and shoved a bottle in her mouth which she started to guzzle. It didn't surprise me since since T will put anything in her mouth.

I wanted to leave but VD and her F buddy dissappeared. Things got really fun when the cast of Good Times showed up. There were like 10 big black guys coming into the apartment. I think they were 10 but I think it was 5 guys and 1 guy that looked like 5 guys put together. They immediately started hitting on us but we grouped togther because B and I wanted to keep an eye on T and K. It was one of those moments that I was glad I had a job because I had soemthing to talk about. There was no way in hell they were going to know the true me. Two of the guys left with the cabdriver to help him out.

It got really scary when this herd of ghetto girls trolloped in. If you ever watch a 50 cent video there is a load of hot girls bumping and grinding with that hip hop attitude. These girls were nothing like that. They were skanky fat girls from around the way. There was this one white girl who introduced herself as Roxanne and began going about her mom named her after the rap song and kept repeating over and over "Roxanne, Roxanne, I want to be your man."

She was wearing a hoodie and trucker cap and blue jeans. Her hoodie was opened up enough to show off her black bra. She kept talking like she was a black chick whil one of her friends the fat black girl kept telling everyone to get on the dance floor and shake your booty. The girls kept their distance with us which I was very happy about. The guys were smart since they realized their time was beter spent hanging with the homegirls.

T&K were sitting laughing off their drunk, B and I were I sitting by the food trying to figure out how many calories the potato salad platter had.

I was over hearing a conversation between one of the b-boys and the ghetto girl it went something like this.

"When I'm on the clock I'm working. But when I'm off the clock its my time. Nobody bother me because I have to work on myself."

"That's awesome. I'm with you."

That's real deep. Just like that Greek philospher Plateau

The guy she was talking was wearing sunglasses despite the fact it was night. Maybe the lamps were too blinding for him. He was wearing a wifebeater that showed off all of his tats.

I imagined bad things because T&K get really oboxious when they get drunk and we were tourists in this party. These were real brooklynites who remember the bad old days when I was not in the mood to get bumrushed by Little Kim and the rest of bad boy entertainment. B and I were hashing out a plan. We would leave in pairs but we would have to take T and K seperately because there would be no way they could leave on their own without causing a scene.

But we had to get VD but I figured she was probably outside. It was alot easier to get T &K out. We told them we were getting cigarettes. B took K out first. I waited until I got a tex mex that they were a block away. T was in this deep conversation with this b-boy who was talking his kung fu training and how he was planning to go to China next year to go to Shaolin temple when the two guys who helped the cabbie walked into the apartment. One of the guys was screaming at the other guy calling him a punk and the other guy was walking away telling him to shut up. The host got in real quick and broke up the two while a crowd gathered. Screaming guy was yelling that his friend did not have his back because he didn't help him opening the door but the cabdriver didn't want him to do anything because he did not want anyone to break his cab. What ended up happening was that the cabbie had to pull his window while screaming friend reached down to unlock the door.

Screaming guy hurt his arm and blamed his homiez for not giving back. The host was busy breaking them apart when VD and her F-buddy walked in. It turned out they were on the roof. VD saw me dragging T out and the look on my face which said "We are leaving. Come with?"

VD was talking about getting cigs while I walked out with T without anyone noticing.
We walked over to the Pencil Factory. A short while later VD arrived sand F-buddy. B was laughing the whole time and we were telling her to shut up and she said she had something to show us. She reaches in her pocket and chucked out this dime bag on the table. We completely freaked out, VD snatched the bag and shoved it into her purse. I was so pissed. All we needed was a cop to walk in and we would have to spend the night in central booking. VD asked her where she got it. T said that it was from one of the boys from the party who was really stoned when he came in and he forgot that his stash was out on the table. She went klepto.

T wanted to grab some bambu and toke some but I was like no. Who knows what that s**t was laced with. And I told her didn't she see Training Day where Denzel forces Ethan to smoke the the bad bud. VD agreed. The last thing she wanted was T running around stark naked in a pigeon coop trying to fly.

I called the car service and we went home. I spent the rest of the weekend in the park and going shopping. It was a tame way to spend the rest of the weekend which was fine by me.

I really don't want to go to work. I am going to compromise and come in at 10.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I really don't want to go to work. I am going to compromise and come in at 10."

I hope you get fired.

8:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"That Greek philosopher Plateau" is almost better than "Orientals." I am starting to enjoy this blog for what it is, and I'm going to keep looking for the little easter eggs like this in every post. They're the signs of the true author, whoever he or she is, winking at us. Keep it up!

8:38 AM  
Anonymous The Writer said...

Jesus, this shit is fake...

Oops. Sorry, Jesus. Moses? Moses, this shit is fake...??

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how many parties have you been to in greenpoint that have had potato salad platters?

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Plato, sweetie.

2:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you slay me, PP.

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nobody, but Nobody, in Greenpoint serves potato salad platters. Give me a break!

4:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd say you were really partying like a rock star....except for the fact that it was in Brooklyn.

7:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PP, I was all wrong about you. You are a terrific writer. You need an editor to help you out with the technical stuff, but the substance is all there.

4:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

god that story was too much ..
i feel like i know you .. and i dont wanna.. go back to plainview or something...

9:30 PM  

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