Thursday, June 29, 2006


Some of you have been saying that I should ditch the job for something better. Particuarly because of how weird the guy was. I took your advice and spoke to my former boss about what happened. He was anoyed but not surprised. He told me that head of that group is very straight forward, sometimes to a fault and he apologized if I was offended. I actually wasn't offended but I told him I just wanted to make sure the guy was normal.

I asked him for other leads, but G told me he hadn't heard anything and he told me that it might be awhile since it was already summer and most of the companies had already hired college graduates or were at the final phases of interviewing.

My mom thought my interveiwer's stories were hilarious, dad was a little alarmed and told me to let the guy know I had a father who could make him dissappear and get away with it.

It is a weird place and if I had the opportunity to trim Anna Wintour's nose hairs, I would probably do that. But right now this is in front of me and I see this as a chance to challenge myself. I mean if I can work with a bunch of virgins who worship Harrison Ford from Star Trek then I should be able work anywhere.

Let's see what happens.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Subway Camera fight

I saw the weirdest thing today on the subway. I was taking the 1 train uptown, holding the pole waiting for my stop when I notice this girl sitting on my left, I think she was like 18, dressed in Mischa Barton wear. Designer jeans, I think they were Joe Jeans and a this white top that I know is a rip off from Pookie and Sebastian because I saw them same one a flea market and the seller claimed it was the real thing. Her hair was perfectly highlighted which matched her prestine manicured hands. She held a LV bag on her lap which was crushing with her hands as they squeezed into fists. She had the classic “What the f**k are you looking at?” expression on her face which is the typical upper west side rich white girl pose.

I looked across from her and saw this guy staring at her. Looked like he was in his late 20’s and he was decked out in J Crew wear. Blue dress shirt, kahki’s and loafers and was kind of cute if he lost like 20 pounds. Anyways the look on his face was “What the f**k are you talking about?”

I don’t think this guy was checking her out, the vibe I got was that maybe he was looking around and she was having a bad day waiting to unload her skunk eye on her first unsuspecting victim and he happened to be in her cross hairs.

Anyways neither of them would back off and were locked on each other like heat seeker missiles. You would have thought that they broke up with each other. Anyways for like three steps the staredown continued between the two, I mean you would not want to walk between the two of them for fear of bursting into flames.

Then the girl opened up her LV hand bag and began to dig around and came up with her cell phone which she opened up and pointed at the guy. From out of nowhere the guy whipped out a text book on Investing and began to read it but it was obvious that he was hiding behind it.

Every know and then he would peek from his cover and would snap behind it seeing that she still had the phone in her hand. From my angle I wasn’t sure what she was doing. Was reading some emails, playing tetris or trying to take that guy’s picture?

I think people were looking at me weird because I could barely hold myself together. This guy is afraid of this girl supposedly taking his picture. I mean he probably outweighed hear about 20 pounds. What was funnier to me was that no one else noticed.

Then at 79 st she shoved the phone in her bag and got off, before she left she made this passive aggressive move and whipped her LV bag over her shoulder enve though it is hand bag but it was obvious that she was trying to hit the guy with the book which she slightly knicked. As she got off he put the book down and stared at her cursing at her under his breath.

I was still trying to figure out why this guy was freaking out over her camera phone until I read this.

My guess is that he probably read about flashers being busted with camera phones was afraid of her taking a photo of him online and telling everyone that he was a flasher or a perv. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t but he would have been royally screwed if that was what she wanted to do.

Was that her intention? Did she want to smear his reputation and make him look like a complete sicko? Was she that much of a b**ch to do that? Or did she really feel threatened by this guy?

From what I saw it just looked like two passive aggressives going toe to toe and one person was willing to take it one step further

I have been lucky enough never been to be flashed or groped and I am really glad that the NYPD is taking action and busting these pervs and I think it is awesome that women are taking back the subwa cars with their camera phones. It seems that is the only way we can fight back.

Personally I think falshers and perves who feel women up on the train should be beaten on the spot. People like that are sick and don’t belong in society. I mean thif you are going to be perveristic go to a strip club.

But what is uncool if a woman is using camera phone to exact vendettas because she was slighted on the train by some guy who happened to glance in her direction.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Goodbye Dynasty

Farewell Aaron Spelling. Dynasty and 90210 made were huge influences on my life.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Batman and erotic stories

“The first job I ever I got was in porn.”

I am sitting in my Donna Karan powersuit, my hairs is tied back in a tight bun and now I am hearing war stories from my interviewers days as a jizz peddler. And he hasn’t even looked at my resume.

My heart is beating from consuming massive amounts of macchiatos and frosted flakes but I try to remain as cool as possible and concentrate on his office to distract myself which is not the hardest thing to do. His office is one big bookshelf stuffed with books, actually comic books, I see some toys lying around on the floor. But what is odd is that his desk is completely impeccable.

He interrupts my game of clue as he continues his story.

“When I first got out of college I wanted to write for Batman. But I found out that even in the world of comic books is quite competitive. And no one took you seriously if you had no experience but the only way to get experience was to work on a comic book. It is just like getting a SAG card.

But I kept at it. I even took an unpaid internship at a comic book company and I learned everything I could about publishing and comics and created a network for myself. The fruits of my labot were three interviews from DC comics.”

He paused dramatically then whispered.

“Do you know what the result was of those interviews?”

I whispered back

“Doughnut holes.”

“Doughnut holes?”

“Nada, zip zilch. They always found a way to hire someone in house. The funny thing is that a lot of those people don’t like comics, in fact the woman who interviewed me last never read comics and got the job at DC because her brother was a big time artist there.”

He leaned back in his chair and began stroking his beard.

“Then one day I was leafing through one of my roommate’s spank rags and came across the erotic story section. On a lark I called up the publisher and asked him who writes for him because the stories were horrible. Right on the spot he commissioned me to write a spring break gangbang story involving a mariachi band, a box of sombreros and three tequila worms. Two hours later I sent my piece of over and I got a check for 300 bucks.”

He paused for a reaction. I didn’t give him one.

“When I told my writing buddies what I had done they all told me that I was insane and I was going to ruin any chances of having a legitimate writing career. But as far as I was concerned I was legit, since I was getting paid for my work. Besides I was running low on funds and my unpaid internship wasn’t exactly brining in the big bucks.

It was a good year for gangbangs because a lot of porn stars were branding themselves as gangbang stars. A lot of sperm died that year.

At a party thrown by one of my publishers and I am talking to this guy about action figures, then onto cartoons. It turns out this is the publisher’s son and he had just got out of college and daddy was giving him some seed money for his start up which was going to be the NYC version of Aint It cool News. So I jumped on as managing editor. A year later that went under and he went to Harvard Business school.

It didn’t matter since I had reinvented myself and was now know as the big geek and served a consultant for toys and comic book companies. I wasn’t writing Batman but I got paid to read Batman and play with the merchandise. I was also hired to review their ideas to see if they were any good.

A couple of months ago I got an email from my old boss inviting me for lunch to introduce me to his friend G. We hit it off and when G told me about his media trends venture, I was hooked and here we are.”

He looked at me with a slight smile.

“Do you know what the point of that story is?”

“Go into porn?”

He laughs to himself.

“No. The point of that story is to show how goals can be achieved in the oddest of ways. Even in the places where you least expect.”

He looked down at his desk as if he was reading an imaginary book then locked into my eyes.

“I’ll be honest with you, you are not what I am looking for in a coordinator. I am actually looking for someone with a different background.”

“Then why am I here?”

“Because I am intrigued by your situation. I know how you got screwed over at Angel Feathers, you have good references and from your reports you demonstrate a very keen mind. What I do admire that despite being treated so unfairly, you didn’t pull a Single White Female and go crazy. “

“Thank you.”

“I have to warn you right now, this group is focused on geek culture which is primarily the sci fi fantasy genre. It has absolutely nothing to do with fashion.

The position of coordinator means you will be assisting a staff of 5 guys, this means making sure our expenses are paid, packages are delivered and our travel arrangements are completed. At certain times you will be required to do research and analysis to pick up the slack. You will be in an environment where the staff will engage in lengthy debates regarding who is a better captain Kirk or Picard? There is one guy in our staff who thinks he is a Jedi Knight and we have one guy who clocked some time at Roswell looking for UFOs.

\“So basically I am going to be a nanny for a bunch of overgrown children.”

“Uhh, yeah.”

I suck in my breath.

“Do you need an answer now?”

“No. Take your time. In fact you can get back to me next week. I realize this is a complete change from what your goals are but as I said sometimes your goals can be achieved through very unusual steps. I mean look at my career. I started out writing sexual fantasies for 35 year old virgins and sexually starved husbands with frigid wives. And here I am making six figures writing about whether Batman could beat the Punisher.”

That was last week. I am still thinking about what to do next.

Monday, June 05, 2006

It's a go

I've got an interview tomorrow. The guy finally called and he wants to see me tomorrow. Now I am regretting scarfing down these mozzarella sticks. Damn you TGI Friday's with your line of frozen appetizers. Now I have to hvae a psyllium fiber shake.