Sunday, November 28, 2004

Thanksgiving Trauma

I am slowly entering a turkey induced coma from the leftovers that Mom packed for me. Its a lot of food since we didn't eat that much because of the fight we had.

The moment I sat down Mom commenced the kvetching. "Why aren't you married? Where are my grand children?" She began going on about Tina's daughter Amber going on her third pregnancy. I yelled at her that Amber is so stupid that all she know is how to lie on her back and she already has three grand children on west coast courtesy of my sister the great doctor and her lawyer husband. Then Mom said that she hardly sees them. I said Maybe that's the way they like it.

Mom started bawling, Dad got up and demanded my credit cards and was going to cut off my trust fund. I started crying saying that he couldn't do that since Grandma set it up before I was born. He said he could do whatever he wanted since he's a lawyer. I ran screaming into my room. This was all before the turkey was cut.

My cheeks were burnt with dried tears and I went to the bathroom and like a cat waiting for a mouse she was there waiting to pounce. She pulled a Joan Collins attitude and told me that when her Mom died she remembered every bad thing she said to her and that's how they get you back.

I started crying again. The rest of the conversation went like this.

"Are you dying?"
"We all die little lamb"
"Then why are you being so mean to me?"

Mom held me in her arms and told me that that she did not want me to waste anytime with my life. I am 22 years old but time goes so fast and girls get to a point when they want a family butwhen that happens its too late. We hugged. It was too late to eat dinner. Mom and Dad went to bed and I fell asleep watching dvds of Sex and the City.

The next day Dad sat me down and told he was going to leave my trust fun alone but he was going to get rid of my credit cards which made me freak, I was like who is going to pay my bills?

"You have a trust fund!"
"I don't want to waste my money."
"What do you think I am doing? Do you know how much that platnium card is going to cost me a month?"
Mom convinced him to leave my credit cards alone and he told me that I was wasting money on rent and I need to buy something for equity and taxes.

So my next mission along with becoming the next Deborah Harry is to buy an apartment. I figure this will be easy enough. I get myself a broker find a place and buy it. I mean how hard can it be?

Saturday, November 27, 2004

I need a steak

Got in late. Why am I up. I need sleep and steak. Does Peter Luger's deliver?

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Falling off the Atkins Wagon

Ok, we didn't fall off the wagon, it was more like a flying leap. We had been doing atkins for the past two weeks and finally VD and I broke our vows of carb chasitity at this restaurant on the lower east side called Inoteca

We saw this guy munching on what turned out to be truffle egg toast and we just stormed in and ordered two orders of the toast, a goat cheese panninni and Pesto Brusectta.


I was going to break out my new platnium card courtesy of my trust fund. Thank you Grandma. But the jerks only took cash. We got into a huge fight with the manager who kept rubbing the goatee on her chin and kept moving her head from side to side with each rub as if her goatee was a special switch that turned her head.

I mean who the hell carries cash these days except for pimps and drug dealers? The last time I saw someone with cash was when I was at Spa this slime from the Bride and Tunnel clan tried to impress me by whipping a wad stuffed in a clip. He attempted to buy me a drink and I told him the only drug dealers I date are doctors.

VD was soooo POed and had to go to the bodgea next door which had the only ATM. She hates paying extra fees and I didn't bring my atm card.

While she was getting the money, the waiter, some Neanderthal from red hook was trying to make time with me, telling me about his cover band that does covers of Information society and how they were eon VH1 bands reunited. He kept running his tongue across his teeth as if he was scouring them for debris. "I'm part of a band" monologue works on drunk girls from the jersey shore but I from the upper west side and we don't do the shore.

I was just about to tell him to shove it when VD storms in she smakcs down 50 bucks and screams "That truffle egg toast was more toast than truffle. You ****"

"When did the lower east side start becoming the upper west side?" she cursed under her breath.

She got over it really quickly when we ran into the Sugar Sweet Sunshine Bakery
This place blows Magnolia's out of the water. We ended up scarfing down 4 cupackes a piece including pistachio, pumpkin and red velvet.


We walked around the rest of the lower east side looking at the neighborhood, its changed alot since my days at Spence. I used to slip our doorman a fifty so he would tell my parents that he didn't see me when I snuck out to go barhopping down here and eat breakfast at B & H Dairy then run off to class.

Now there's a new building called the Avalon Chrystie over by the resutarant supply stores over by the Bowery and Second Ave.

No. I did not take these pix. I found them online.


Sometimes I wish I didn't go the west coast for college. At least I could have seen the changes.