Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Attack of the diary farmers

I get the strangest comments.

pp, you realize that soy milk has like 3 times the calories of skim milk, don't you? and that cinnamon toast crunch is all sugar? try a bowl of grape nuts.

yeah, wheat is really *great for you...pssh

whole grains are good for you.

A lot of grains are actually highly allergenic- wheat being the primary one.

Sometimes I imagine the readers of my blog are a bunch of diary farmers in Iowa who are patroling the internet out to beat the crap outof anyone who mentions soy.

My Sunday with Mom was thing of a joy. First thing she said when she saw me was I was too fat and what was I eating? I was really glad that I took the garbage out before she came in because she would have gone crazy if she saw the empty ben and jerry's cartons. She told me to get out of my assembly of scoop jeans and juicy couture. She told me to get on office jockey clothes and to put my hair back.

I was really pissed. The last thing I wanted to do was wear my work clothes. But Mom was said that she wanted us all to look proper and did not want to attract needless attention. I was like we are looking at apartments. This isn't mission impossible.

Mom turned really cold. She told me that everyone is watching you especially in a co-op. They want to know who their neighbors are and the doormen are figuring who is going to be trouble for them. She kept telling me that you want to be invisible until after the board interview.

The open houses were a blur. I think we saw everyone one bedroom on the market in the upper west side. Nothing really caught my attention. My mom did all the talking asking questions about the maintenace and what is offered to people living in the building. I didn't say a word. It was her show.

We ended up going to Time Warner and bought groceries for both of us. I kept telling mom that she should do fresh direct. She wouldn't hear of it. She hands on when it comes to food shopping. She would rather make her own pizza than have it delivered.

It's cold and rainy. I am going in late today.


Blogger Ole said...

I'm wondering if "diary farmers" is a scintillating pun, embracing both the tedium of the posts you've had and the medium which they're rather gracelessly attacking.

Tell me it's true. I want to believe.

6:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahahaha...i doubt she is that clever.

7:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So you are going in late again? Keep that up, PP. I'm sure your boss (and troll-ho) won't hold that against you at all.

Geez, you really suck. It isn't even fun to make fun of you anymore. You used to be entertaining with your posts about how much you love Lindsay Lohan and hate knock-off anything, but now they are all about how you adore Ben & Jerry's and loathe actually having to work. Then, you were funny. Now, you are pathetic.

8:19 AM  
Blogger Ole said...

That last comment was just MEAN. Don't believe them, honey. They just can't afford real Haagen-Dazs.

8:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no sweetie, we're not dairy farmers. we're skinny people. and we agree with mom - you're getting chunky. soy tastes nummy, we know! but being able to fit into cute outfits tastes even better!

1:29 PM  
Anonymous other said...

You are correct, PP, I *will beat the crap out of anyone who mentions soy...

8:53 AM  

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