Catching up Part 1

I am nursing a huge hangover after a late dinner with Salad Dancer and the Crow. We have not seen each other since November and Crow sent an email for us to get together.

Since cheap eats are in vogue we decided to meet at Chipotle. Over Burrito Bols and plastic cups filled with pre made margaritas with no salt, we regaled each other with tales of the aftermath of our layoffs.

The Crow is studying for the bar. She actually went to law school but realized she did not want to be a lawyer and went into the media industry.

“It’s funny. Instead of being focused on finding my next job I was more focused on my next door neighbor.”

Salad Dancer asked.

“Why is he hot?”

“No. He’s an asshole. He moved in a couple a months ago and since January he began to play his music way f**king loud and f**king a vast array of vocally charged women. I mean, I know this is the city and noise is par for the course but it got to the point where I was getting nose bleeds from the bass music he was blasting.”

“Wow. That sucks.”

I said after swallowing a bite of burrito bol.

“Yeah. I went through the usual routes of the super , landlord. But no one was willing to help. Finally I put my law school skills to work and did some research on real estate law. I put together a letter for my landlord stating that my right to quite of enjoyment was being violated and that the noise was health hazard and I felt I was being driven out of my apartment and I threatened to go on a rent strike and call the cops. Honestly it was just a letter cobbled with legal bullshit but it apparently made a big impression because landlord himself came down and yelled at the guy.”

“That’s awesome.” Giggled Salad Dancer.

“It was fucking insanity because he would not back down. It turns out my neighbor is a finance analyst which explains why he is such a douchebag and was acting like it was 2003 and that he was flush with bonus money. I mean the guy kept challenging my landlord and told him to go ahead and call the cops.”

“So what happened” I asked.

The Crow took a dramatic pause as her face turned dead serious.

“There was a rumor that there were a bunch of tenants engaging in the distribution of certain types of pharmaceuticals. Apparently bits and pieces of the conversation were heard and they were under the false impression that douchebag analyst wanted to call the cops on them when he yelled about calling the cops. The super shows up at douchebag’s door with a message that it would be better for his health to lay low and not make waves. And since then I haven’t heard a peep from him. ”

“Whoa.” gulped Salad Dancer.

“Yeah.”

“So why didn’t they talk to you? Why didn’t the Super give you a talk?” I asked.

“Unlike douchebag analyst, I didn’t air out my grievances in public so they don’t know I was the one started this whole thing. Besides the 50 bucks I tip the super doesn’t hurt either.

We both laugh. The Crow gazed thoughtfully.

“It was funny. The first quiet night I began reflecting on that whole experience and I realize that I actually enjoyed the whole process despite the fact that I was doing law. And I began to think about why. Then it dawned onto me. I had a problem and I solved it. That was it. Somebody was being a douchebag and not only did I call him out on it I stopped him from being a douchebag to others. Then it hit me. This is why I went to law school. To stop the assholes from the world from running rampant.”

So the Crow decided to take the bar and is volunteering for a legal non profit that helps the little guy. Ideally she would like to do this fulltime but lawyer jobs are scarce right now but she feels something will turn up.

Long time No read

Hi everyone. I know it has been awhile but it has rather crazy in my life. Tonight I Am alone blogging, watching trashy reality tv and thinking of opening up a bottle of Stoli. This has been actually been a really rough year and it has barely begun.

First off, I am not victim of Madoff, in fact no one within my social circle has been touched. As far as I know.

However everyone is hurting and hurting bad.

My father is freaking out because he had to lay half of his staff and is now faced with doing twice as much work. Any of you read that article about billable hours?

Half the time he is on the phone negotiating with clients over fees.

Mom is actually is also working overtime consoling her friends and even people she does not know. There was one friend of a friend who lives in 740 Park. Yes. That 740 Park. The one where you need a $100 million to even walk into the door. She is freaking out because her husband has taken a beating in not just real estate market but also stock and everything else. The lady has no idea what she is going to do.

Am I still the freewheeling trustfund princess of days past? Well yes and no. I still shop but I am seeing a lot of bargains out there. I mean really good s**t is out there. I am not poor folks but I have noticed my portfolio has done a Paris Hilton knee drop.

I feel rather directionless right now. Don't know what to do with my life.
I am not complaining. I have a great life. I just need to do something inspiring.

Dawn of a new day

I am officially unemployed. Not a big deal. In fact I am surprised that the media company I was working for lasted this long. The firm was basically supported by hedge fund money and well we know how well they are doing these todays.

We were supposed to have closed up shop in August but all of a sudden we this huge short term advertising contract got dropped on our laps. The client was some big wig who needed research on the media landscape in the political world. We really earned our pay on that one.

So last Friday we cleaned out our cubes, said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch. It was like the last day of camp.

So what now for the Princess? I haven't got a clue, but that is fine by me. I am going to let myself adrift at least until the end of this year. No point in applying for jobs in the media since there are none to be found. I am not going fight against the current since I have the luxury of owning my life preserver. Who am I kidding? I don't have a life preserver, I have an aircraft carrier courtesy of Grandma.

I have the money and freedom do what I want. Yet, here I am wondering what to do next?

Weird. Whenever I had too much time on my hands, I would go out shopping, go clubbing or do something to fill the void. Yet, it is not enough for me. Maybe some Me time is needed. Some introspective moments on my meaning. I'll keep you posted.

Its been a long time

Hi everyone. I haven't blogged in awhile. And to my audience of 3 readers I apologize. There have been alot changes in my life. I am still working for that media research company but right now that whole place is on steady ground. Apparently that whole place was being fund hedge funds involved in the subprime mortgage industry. And well.. you know how that movie ended. The only reason why we are still alive is because of the election. Our boss thinks we have until November before we are shut down. So in the meantime we are cramming in as many billable hours as possible into our work days. The heads of the company are now scrambling for business when the election ends. I can't say who we are working for but I will just say I am an Obama girl.

So I will be blogging on and off but not as much as I want to. I have alot to say but its funny either I am too busy or I do not feel like blogging at all. What is really weird is that I miss the snarkiness. At first I couldn't stand people trashing me. But now I am loning for getting some comment smacking going on.

Anyways, that is my life for now. Later kiddies!

Why Playboy hates you.

Yes. I am alive. I have been able to post for awhile because of work and just because I haven’t been in the mood. But there has been so much going on. I could go on about Spitzer Patterson and Mcreevy all night. But it is all that everyone is taking about. I will say I am not surprised about the threesome accusation about Dina and her ex husband. I mean you have to be a freak of a woman to be able to make a gay man straight for such a long time. In fact I admire her talents and her sense of adventure for what she was able to pull off for so long.


I think the biggest deal is the Kristin Davis pictures that hit the web. Apparently these were taken several years ago before she hit it big. She says it isn’t her. All I have to say is that just from these two pictures, I have only things to say to this whoever it is. Hit the gym and look in to Brazilian waxing. Also if her ex-boyfriend did do this he is a piece of s**t.

I think the most atrocious pictures I have seen are from this What would Tyler Durden do?



Audriana from the Hills had aspirations to become a glamour model and submitted photos to Playboy.

According to Splash News

Sources say the beauty from a wealthy Orange County family was a natural in front of the camera and loved every second of the shoot at an LA mansion.
They told how she was thrilled with the results and particularly the raunchy schoolgirl pics.
But now the pictures she urged a photographer friend to take when she was 19 could come back to haunt her.
A source told how Audrina had had enough of posing for bikini shots and decided she wanted to be a glamour model.
"She was determined to go ahead with it, even though she was warned to wait and see how her modelling went before doing topless stuff.
"She was always comfortable in front of the camera and wasn't shy or nervous about doing a nude shoot.
But Audrina's hopes of impressing glamour magazine editors were shattered when Playboy showed no interest in her pictures.
The insider said: "Looking at the pictures you'd say they were crazy to turn her down.
"She looks absolutely sensational.

She looks absolutely sensational for internet porn.

I am not a Playboy buff, I am more into Vogue and Glamour girl but from what I know about the magazine industry, a magazine like Playboy is probably very competitive. The editorial staff is probably bombarded with tons of unsolicited submissions. Playboy is a very strong brand and it has proven with playmates like Pamela Anderson that it can be a spring board to fame and fortune. Hugh Hefner has been at this so long that I bet all he has to do is glance at picture of a naked girl and he will know whether she has the playboy look or not.

Audrina does not have that look and I will explain why.

Here is the first picture BTW this NSFW

As you can see Audrina is laid out topless reclining on the stairs with her plaid pink mirco mini ala naughty schoogirl.

As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words, and the words this pictures saying is What the f**K”?

I mean seriously there is no context to this photos. All it is her topless and reclining in a hoochie pose on a set of stairs. As if the stairs is the hugest turn on in the world which it isn't. Her outfit and overall look say naughty punk schoolgirl who wants to get it on. But the wooden stairs and the background say suburban house in Orange County. It just doesn’t work. It would be more appropriate if she was in a punk rock club or on a stripper pole. The only way this picture works right is if there were three guys about to tag team her.

The second photo is another train wreck. NSFW.


This time she is standing up in the classic hands around her head, sticking out her chest pose with her “You want my body” facial expression. What I see here is that she has making of an endomorphic body. Does her car have a flat because she has plentyof spare tires. DO SOME CRUNCHES GIRL AND CUT OUT THE COCA PUFFS! She really needs to hit the gym and get rid of the baby fat.

This photo is just full of clichés.NSFW

Eyes closed, wearing an orange cowboy hat, with one arm up in a Cleopatra pose the other arm covering her cootchie. Standing in a hot tub. This is probably one of the most awkward poses I have ever seen. This is a blatant misuse of the environment. What Audrina should have done was get rid of the cowboy hat and use the hot tub. Let the soap cover her up her nether regions while letting the naughty bits poke out. The hand on the crotch looks completely amateurish. Also get rid of the candle stick holders. It feels like she is about to serve a 12 course meal naked.

Now this just ridiculous. NSFW

From the way the water from the pool is showing her legs it looks like she is squatting down on the verge of laying a big steaming pile. The expression on her face is not very glamorous or sexy. In fact she looks annoyed. I remember in a film class I took in college that one of the most important visual effects is the face. That is one of the core things that the audience can relate to. The reason why certain actors are successful is that they are able to communicate with their faces to the audience. My guess is that one of the things Hef looks for in a Playmate is a woman who is sincerely happy to show her naked body to the world. His readers are to able to feel that joy from that playmate. Remember, boys have feelings too. They don’t want to feel bad or depressed looking at naked girls. Also the lighting is also not very flattering since she looks quite pasty.

Another cliche. NSFW


Once again she uses the hands behind the head pose but it doesn’t work. It is a very unflattering shot of her left boob and makes it look like it is riding up to her under arm which screams bad implant job. Her expression is extremely unhappy and once again the water makes her legs look weird but this time it makes look as if she has cottage cheese in her ass.

Now this picture (NSFW) is just too much and should have never made it into the pile. What hits me first is her facial expression. It says the following

“Hurry up and take the f**king picture already”

Her boobs are probably in great shape but they look like the aftermath of a bad boob job. I mean they look complete misshapen. And of course we have the water again making her lower body look like a Dali painting.

These pictures probably never made it to Hef since they were so horrible. Audrina is lucky that they did not send a hit squad of Playmates to take her down for looking completely horrible.

So how did this whole mess even happen in the first place? According to TMZ

In a statement made through her rep, Audrina tells TMZ "I took these photos years ago when I was just out of high school and beginning to model. I was young and very trusting of others and I didn't know to protect myself. It is a lesson learned, for myself, and hopefully for the young girls who look up to me."

I think what really happened was this. Audrina was the really hot popular girl in school who always got what wanted. And being that rich and popular she developed a mental schema that was afflicted with entitlement and narcissism. Feeling that her natural sexiness and the fact she was rich, she convinced herself she could be in Playboy.

She either got the photo editor of her high school year book or some photographer who convinced her that he could get her into Playboy. Either way they had no business taking these pictures because they display no fundamentals of camera angles and lighting. Then she probably went into her closet to find the most skanky outfits she could find and settled on something she wore for the senior class Halloween breakfast sans the top and the cowboy hat she got for flashing her boobs on Girls Gone Wild when she was in Cancun. Then she convinced her Daddy who probably has issues of his own about his relationship with his daughter to pony up the cash to pay for this abortion of a glamour model portfolio.

Whether it is a spread in Playboy or Vanity Fair, it takes an army of people to put together these photos, from a photographer, costume designer, set designer, makeup and a platoon of assistants. It seems like overkill but compare Audrina’s photos to any in Playboy and you will see the difference. Also Playboy is a classy men's magazine. They do not do anything pornish. In fact Hugh Hefner has a policy not to use women in porn.

Contrary to popular belief, Hugh Hefner does not only have young girls in Playboy but he has had more mature women show off their stuff. Some of them in their 50’s. Audrina’s body at that time had not fully developed. You can tell that she is still in the last stages of puberty and her body has still not decided on its final game plan. Also she needs to work out and tighten and tone all her lady parts. There is nothing wrong with having a big ass. Look at Jessica Alba and Jennifer Lopez, they have amazingly huge asses but they are not sagging and do not wiggle in the wrong places.

I had the time of my life

I completely freaked out when I heard that Patrick Swayze had weeks to live. I calmed a little when it turned he was going for treatment. I cried during Dirty Dancing and Ghost but I think his best work was in Donnie Darko. A friend lent me the dvd and I held onto it for two years. Then one day my cable got disconnected because yours truly forgot to pay the bill. Anyways I had nothing to watch so I put on the DVD. It was my first introduction to the Gyllenhal kids. I found Jake to be quite yummy. But that movie completely blew my mind and I was blown way about how Swayze did a complete 180 with that role. In fact I watched that movie over and over for that entire night.

Patrick, we are praying for you.

Sitting Shiva

So I got this email from this WSJ reporter.

Hi Prada Princess,
I cover luxury goods for the Wall Street Journal and I am looking for a consumer who spent too much on luxury goods over the past few years and is now reigning in spending amid some concern for the overall economy…was wondering if you or any of your friends might fit the bill…let me know. Thanks.

Rachel Dodes
Retail & Luxury Group
The Wall Street Journal

My response.

Ms. Dodes,

As much as I would love to dish about shopping sprees for Jimmy Choos shoes and driving the concierge crazy at Henri Bendel, I am in the middle of sitting Shiv'ah for Heath Ledger. I have learned there are bigger traumas in life than not being able to use your Amex Black.

I will correct you on one thing. When it comes to luxury goods, there is no such as thing as reigning in spending. You just look for more sample sales.

PP

Her response.

PP thanks for your note. I hope you saw my story today!
Best,
Rachel

Here is her story.

Maybe I am getting old but I am not really in the mood to think about luxury shopping or burning through the Amex black. I am just not concerned with that right now. In fact I haven't felt like blogging for awhile because of so much bulls**t going on in my life. But what I realize is that it is just bulls**t. There is no substance to it whatsoever.