When do you walk away

The lower eastside became the Friday night playground for the claque and as we went to get our drink on. I haven't hit the Hamptons as often as I liked but it seemed that the girls maintained their relationships with their hooksups from the Hamptons because they were with us too. I was alone. Usually when that happens I sit it out and stay home. I don't like being labled as the cock blocker and as the only one without a boyfriend tyhere was a risk the everyone was going to sleep alone. I didn't care. I went out anyway. When you are the only girl without a boyfriend you have to be really careful when you are with friends who do. If you talk too much to one boy, your girlfriend will feel like you are flirting with them and get mad at the boy, if you talk to the one of your girlfriends, there is a risk that the boyfriend will be cut loose. And if you are too quiet, the girls notice and girl loyalty kicks in and they make like a wagon train around you leaving the boys to their own private sausage party.

But I didn't care either way. The only thing on my mind last night was that what I do next with my life. What is the next stage?

While the rest of the girls were having their summer romances, VD and I got into a conversation while her f-buddy was working the DJ booth. VD dropped the bomb when she confessed to me that she was going to stop doing PR.

My tampon almost popped out when I heard that. VD has been hardcre with PR since college and got the guts to start her business in her junior year starting with with college bands, djs and clubs. Out of all of us I always thought she would be the most successful.

VD told me that when she did the numbers she was barely breaking even. Recently her Dad has been breathing down her neck about her business he is bankrolling. She talked like some old man missing the way things used to be. As far as she is concerned the business has changed very qucikly. Clubs and bands which are her main customers are getting smarter about PR and realize they can make it cheaper by doing their own PR by setting up their own websites or getting some groupies who will work for free tickets. VD can't even trade anymorewith her clients. If a band or club couldn't pay her they would trade access or perks like free drinks for her help. Now bands don't want do that since they can make more money off the access and selling drinks and its not worth the publicity since they can get it on their own.

What also is not helping is the whole 15 minutes of fame virus that has been spreading. First it was the reality shows with their wannabe stars filling the airwaves. For the past month VD had been hounded by this guy who audtioned for the first Wannabe a VJ contest which was like 10 years ago. Now VD is bitching about some girl who is getting her own tv show because she writes about her sex life on the internet. This girl got written up in the NYT. Now they are talking it up as the next Sex and the City and she is going to get a book deal.

We both agreed that it was doomed. Whenever something tries to be a clone of something especially something as popular as Sex and the City it just doesn't work with the public since it is not as good as the original.

VD was like didn't idiots learn from Friends? When Friends hit big, all the networks started to put out friends clones which all got cancelled. Even after they saw their competitors fail, NBC tried to do another Friends with Coupling which crashed and burned. It will be a long time before there is another Sex and the City since the show went out with such a bang and has such a strong following and it remains in people's heads because of the reruns. In order for something to new it has to be forgotten. It is hard to forget something when you can see it everynight.

VD has this theory about people who want to be famous just wants to be remembered. That after they die they want a record that were around other than their birth certificate. This is why she feels people go into porn because at least they will be remembered in some way.

So VD is all mediaed out. Because of that NYT item everytime she tells someone pitches their website as the most popular in Mongolia and wants her to them on tv.
She also said that she was tired of being on a leash and her guilt trips were only going to go so far with her father.

I asked her what she wanted to do. She told me she was thinking of doing something with business and getting an MBA. I was really shocked when I heard that. First of all she hates math and her grades aren't the greatest. I was like what do you want to do with that. She was like I don't know but I am just want to do something where I will be taken seriously and I don't ask my Dad for money.

VD and I are a little different. Like the rest of the claque we got bank and then some. Some of us have trust funds or really rich parents. VD just has a rich father. She can him play him like a piano but I guess she doesn't like the tune she is hearing.

I was like why? Why do you want to quit and do this? Her response was "Don't you want to be independent? Don't you want to feel like you are on your own?"

I was like I am on my own? VD was like no. You're not. None of us are. We don't support ourselves. Do you know why? Because we are just winners of the birth lottery.

I was like so you feel guilty for having money?

VD started to get annoyed. You don't get it. This isn't our money. It never was. We never earned this. I will never apologize for having more than others. It is just the way things are. And I don't regret coming from a rich family. But it doesn't mean I have to accept this. I can take what I have been given and do something else with it. I know it sounds kind of stupid but 20 years from now I just want to be able to know I did something that had meaning. That I wasn't just sitting on my ass waiting to become a housewife. I mean I will end up being a housewife eventually and raise kids but I want to know that I something before that.

She was silent after that and I didn't know what to say. It was sooo nowhere.

Then she told me that she was pround of me. That I was sticking it out with this internship. She was worried that I would just end up being a desperate housewife. She was like you know you could be a lawyer.

I was like what?

She was like the way you hold your own against your Dad shows you have alot of potential. You should think about law school.

VD quickly lost interest in my law career when her F-buddy came back and they started to suck face. I ended up talking to some guy who worked as a PA at Fox News.

But the only thought that kept lingering was me a lawyer.

Me. A lawyer.