Loser girl

I got yelled at Saturday morning by the Big S. Mom told her about my root canal and started to scream at me for taking vicodin. She said if I got addicted to pain killers she would bitch slap me, throw me in a trunk and take me to a one way trip to Promises.

I told her I was just taking it for my root canal and she was like you shouldn't be taking it all. My sister is a bit dramatic when it comes to drugs. When I was 15 she caught me with a bag of pot and punched me in the stomach and then ransacked my room looking for drugs and confiscated a bottle of vodka that I was saving for a rainy day. Then she beat the s**t out of senior who sold me the pot. After that I never got wasted at home. I was lucky though. If it was mom or dad I would have been shipped off to military school in Alaska.

When she was doing her residency she worked in an ER and had to deal with people who were doing the drugstore cowboy trying to score drugs by saying they were sick. One guy tried to con her saying he popped a disc and began screaming to get morphine but my sister figured out he was lying and refused. He got really upset and began chucking s**t all over the ER and was about to take a swing at her when the Chief resident who happened to be the captain of his wrestling team in college took him down. The guy ended up getting moriphine because the chief resident ended up breaking one of his arms.

She told me just take vicodin in smaller doese. Just for the pain and not enjoy the feeling. And as soon as I was better I should throw it away whatever was left. She kept saying that stuff was really dangerous and that she was not going to tolerate drug addicts in our family.

I stayed inside, trying to shake off the Vico high and ended up falling asleep. I got up around 8 and checked my emails. One was from this DJ friend of mine I hadn't seen since we saw each other Arlene's Grocery last year. He was inviting me to a gig he was doing to this place on 54 by Lex. At first I was like uh uh. I don't go in the neighborhood to get my kicks but I wanted to go out. And going to B8 and Marquee requrires VD's connections. So I decided to go. I was so happy to get out.

It wasn't until I was halfway there that I realized I was going to be alone. The claque was hanging in the HamptonsI kind of hyperventilated and was about to make an about face and go home. But then I was like its not a big deal. The club we'll be packed and no one will notice. I'll talk to the DJ have a few drinks and flirt with some boys and go home.

When I got there I told the promoter my name and was let in. The music was blaring and I began to get my club on and when I almost dropped a brick in my thong. The club was like nearly empty. Most of the people inside the club were the bouncers and barbacks. I spotted him at his booth. He was busy with working on his laptop that was attached to his turbtables. I was like where are your records. He told me he sold them off and has his entire record collection on his laptop. It was a pain the ass carrying those crates with him. He asked me if I was meeting anyone here. I told him the claque took off to the Hamptons and I was going to join them. I made a comment about how few people were here. He was like, it usally starts to get crowded at midnight. I felt so stupid. I go here to early.

We talked a bit but there were really uncomfortable silences. Well it wasn't really silent since the musi was really loud it was just that he stopped talking and had to work on his laptop while I stood around looking interested.

I hate being alone at clubs. It is sort of like eating alone at a restaurant. It gives off a vibe of desperation and loneliness. It sort of announces to the world "Hi. I'm such a big loser that I couldn't get one person to come out with me. Tat's why is easier to blend in a crowd. People are too drunk to notice. If a girl is alone she will dance with other girls on the floor so it looks like she is part of the group. But there was nothing to work with out there.

At that point I just felt like going home. But I didn't want to hurt the DJ's feelings. But then I Was thinking he probably is too busy to care. Then I realized what I should have done was come in and first tell him that I give him a story that I was comign to stop by because I was on my way to another party. Now I was stuck here.

I didn't even bother getting my usual vodka cranberry I just stood by the DJ while I saw the trickling of people come in. I felt insecure as crowds people were coming in. There was this one girl who was sitting alone going through her purse and I saw her taking a pack of cigs out. I thought of a perfect way to get out and not look like a complete loser. As she would walk out, I would go up to her and ask for a smoke and we would walk out together and I would make my escape. For somone who was alone she seemed so much at ease. She got up with the pack in her hand and began to walk towards the entrance and I was about to make a beeline for her when some guy came up to her and kissed her. No wonder she was so relaxed. She had her hot boyfriend with her.

I was desperate to make an exit but I was tapped out of ideas. Finally I said to the DJ that I ahd split and prepared for the hurt speech about why don't you stick around. Things are going to be jumping. But he was sooo like whatev. He siad it was cool and went back to his laptop.

I walked outside and saw a crowd of people hanging outon the sidewalk smoking and talking. The crowd was a bit aB&T which made me feel even more of a loser. I took a cab and went home.