Monday, February 26, 2007

After the Oscars

I am riding on a high of red bulls and chocolate chip cookies. This was my fuel last night while watching the Oscars and writing my reports. I had 4 hours of sleep after putting together my media analysis of the Oscars for my boss the Queen. And with her sharp British accent and tabloid fortitude she will tear it apart.

Already I know it is going to be a long day because Rant man is in rare form screaming about discriminatory the Oscars were despite the fact the African America and Mexican faction totally ripped apart their European counterparts. As soon as I walked into the office he demanded that I look at this site.

What probably sucked the most was how little recognition Infernal Affairs received for being the original source material for The Departed, which won several Oscars including Best Picture. Martin Scorsese, ever the director's director, did acknowledge Andrew Lau ("Andrew Law," I think he called him) in his acceptance speech for Best Director. But when it won for Best Adapted Screenplay, the announcer said The Departed was adapted from a Japanese film. Completely wrong. What a slap in the face. The guys who write the copy couldn't do even the basic freaking level of research? I guess all Asians really are alike to them. And when it won for Best Picture, producer Graham King made absolutely no mention of Infernal Affairs at all. You've got the top spot of the evening and you can't throw a bone to the movie that made your win possible? That's disrespect.

I glad that Al Gore won because Rant Man would have been tearing the office apart screaming of a conspiracy.

Overall, I think the Oscars were, well, they were just there. I was glad Jennifer Hudson won. Now that is a big f**k you to Simon Cowell. I am a big fan of Alan Arkin ever since I saw Slums of Beverly Hills but I was really gunning for Eddie Murphy. Mark Whalberg, thank god, did not win. His ego is big enough as it is. Bad enough he’s from Boston. Helen Mirren you will always be Queen. Forrest Whitaker, the moment I saw you in the Crying Game I knew you were the man.

Ellen was being Ellen. I am glad that did costume changes with her suits.

What I am really not looking forward to is the amount of television we are going to watch to day. The Queen had three tivos rigged in the office to record the Oscars so I know we will be going through them today with a fine toothed comb.

You are probably wondering why the hell anyone would pay money for analysis of the Oscars. Well the Oscars are considered to be the gold standard for award ceremonies. Every angle is analyzed to see where they succeeded and failed, from the red carpet to the musical numbers. I won’t name our clients but there is a significant portion of the award show industry who will be reading our reports. I know, hard to believe there is such thing as the “Award show” industry. I am not surprised that they look towards the Oscars for new tricks to liven things up. If you think about it award shows are pretty standard. A bunch of people get nominated, they show up at a ceremony that is led by a two bit comedian, awards are given out, speeches are made and the rest of the night is dedicated to draining a couple of kegs.

They do what they can to make it fresh even if it means cannibalizing other shows to do it. Starting to come down. Better freshen up with another Redbull. Looks like the cast coming together. Salad dancer walks in with Crow. The two are cackling away about the Oscars. Sounding more excited than they are supposed to be, as if they were at the Oscars. I hope Salad Dancer brushed her teeth because I thought my face was going to melt off because of her breath.

Here’s the Queen followed behind by her loyal assistant, it appears she hasn’t had her morning coffee yet. Time to split.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you ever notice that people who are really thin often have very bad breath? I wonder why that is.

I'm guessing that they're burning off their insides.
Is salad dancer really thin?

This question sounded so moronic but when would it ever be appropriate to ask something like this? Right, never.


4:15 AM  

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