Thursday, January 05, 2006

Here we go again

I am out out of Vicodin which is fine because the pain has dissappeared and I am tired of waking up groggy. I spent most of this morning drinking coffee and eating left Chinese from the fridge. It is amazing how well General Tso's chicken keeps.

At around 10 I got a call from the BS.

"So why didn't you call to say Happy New Year?"
She demanded

"I'm sorry but I have been injured."
My response.

"Oh yes. I heard about your tragic ski accident. It is quite an amazing diagnosis since I never heard of a back injury preventing someone from making a phone call."

"Happy New Year to you too."

"So what are your New Year's resolutions?"

"Lose weight and quit smoking."

"Quit smoking? You don't even smoke."

"Awesome. That's one resolution down."

"How about you add another to your list?"

"And what would that be?"

"Find a job."

I took a deep sigh.

"Did you just sigh at me?"

"No. I didn't."

"You sighed at me. Don't you ever sigh at me. YOou don't have the right to sigh at me. I have a medical degree. I sigh at you."

"Alirght,alright. I'm sorry. No more sighs. Never again."

"Do you know what time it is?"


"What time is it where I am?"

"Uhh, 7am?"

"Correctamundo.I see your collegiate degree from the west coast has been put to good use. Do you know I love the mornings?"

"I had no idea."

"It is the only part of the day where I have time for myself. I do my yoga, have a a little coffe, read the paper, basically decompress before the beginning of a very busy day of taking care of the husband, kids and seeing paitents."

"That's nice."

"Do you know what I hate the most?"


"When someone calls and disturbs during my time. I really, really hate that because it is the only time I have and once it is gone I can never get it back."

"Well, since you called me first, I obviously did not disturb you."

"No. You didn't. Our mother did. At 6:30 am, my time, 9:30 am your time our Mother called me to bitch and moan about her idiot second daughter. The one who embarassed herself in front of her Father's clients and the one doesn't have a clue to what she is doing with her life."

"I didn't embarass them. I hurt myself."

"Well from she described you sounded like a Class A drama queen. COnsidering how much experience you have getting on your knees, I am surprised how you hurt yourself."

"F**k you."

"No. Fuck you and shut the fuck up because I am going to tell you about my New Year's resolution which is whip your ass into shape."

"Why? It's not your problem what I do with my life.

"Well, our mother has made it my problem so I have to solve it."

"Why don't you just ignore her then?"

"Because you can't ignore our Mother. Trust me I've tried. The only thing that will solve this if you get your act together. Then she will stop kvetching about you to me. Even though I have to take care of my family and on top of it deal with a load of patients I have made an effort to give myself an hour and a half to myself. I will not accept any type of interference during my "me time". Therefore every week I will be checking in on your progress. If none has been made, I will use whatever weapons are available to me whether it is making fun of your weight, rehashing old memories like the time I caught you with that bag of pot or pointing out that your friends have abandoned you to motivate you into getting a job. I will keep mentally and verbally abusing you until you find yourself a job. I don't give a f**k what type of job it is. Whether it is hustling pool or being a fry cook, I don't care. Just do something. See you next week."

Then she hung up.

I am feel this horrible pit in my stomach forming. It reminds me of the time when I was rejected from three of my schools which included my safety and I was waiting for the last one wondering if I had a future at all.

The world is ganging up on me and my big sister is leading the charge. Am I resentful? Yes. It is pure Darwin and I am preyed upon because I am weak. SO I better buck up and become strong. And when my time comes I am going to ram it all down their throats. I am going to show them that this little girl is worth something and whole lot more than her trustfund.


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