Thursday, November 24, 2005

Turkey day is a coming

Right now I am inside my Dad's office sitting by myself on his computer. Mom and Big sis are in the kitchen talking. Both Dad and Big Sis's husband are asleep. Dad had a long day with cases and my brother in law is coming off of jetlag. The kids are finally asleep. It is the only moment of peace I have had since yesterday.

At around 1 yesterday my mother called me.

"Sweetie. What are you doing right now?"

"I am just catching up on Desperate Housewives and maybe taking a nap. Why?"

"So you have nothing urgent to do?"

"Not right now."

"That's great. Come over and clean the place up."

"What? Don't you have a maid?"

"Yes. But she left."

"What do you mean she left?"

"Well, we had a bit of a disconnect. She said she was leaving Tuesday. So I assumed that it would be Tuesday night. But she told me she was leaving earlier than that."

"How early?"

"Five minutes ago. So please be a dear and come over."

"Mooom. Why do I have clean up the apartment? Why don't you do it?"

"Sweetie, I have a luncheon to attend to that will not leave me enough time to clean up or find somone else. Normall I would draft your father into battle but he's at the office tearing the opposition a new asshole. And since you are available I thought you would be the best choice."

"Mom. I don't believe this. I am not like at your beck and call."

"Sweetie, I apologize for disrupting your important schedule of watching reruns of Desperate Housewives, oversleeping and spending the GNP equivalent of Liberia on your credit card. But your mother is quite stressed out. And it would be a big help if you would come over here right now."


When I got there Mom was nowhere but she left a note listing the things that had to be done.


Please do the following.
Change sheets
Clean Bathroom
Clean Kitchen
Empty Dishwasher

DO NOT MIX THE AMMONIA WITH THE BLEACH! I don't want to explain to your sister and my grandchildren why your corpse is rotting in the bathtub.



You are a regular Dorthy Parker Mom.

So I have been the Tasmanian Devil of cleanliness. It's not that hard. Our bathroom s are not that dirty. I just sprayed disenfectant on the toilet and scrubbed away at the mildew in the tub. Vaccuming took about 30 minutes since the maid didn't change the bag and I had to go find a new oneon. It was in the kitchen. After that I doused the whole apartment with febreeze. I emptied the dishwasher and began changing the sheets.

Cleaning is not something new to me. My parents had household rule which was that my big sister and I always had to be clean. And we always were. Of course we really creative at it. I became an expert at shoving stuff under my bed and my Big sis was able to hide her stuff in the hamper.

I thought after the Big Sis and the rest of the clan arrived I would be off the hook. No dice, I was recruited for babysitting duty. I don't want to even want to write about it since it will just stress me out. I just want to chill and clear my mind and be ready for tomorrow. More relatives are on their way and my nieces and nephews might want to go to the parade tomorrow. I am not going to freeze my ass out there.

Going to bed.


Blogger Emma F shares the wealth said...

Your mother sounds a real piece of work, but couldn't you just hire in a cleaner from a company or something? I'm surprised you take orders from her like that at your age. I'm even more surprised you had to clean as a kid - you don't sound the type and I thought Jewish princesses from Manhatten were the last people to have to do such demeaning things. Nice though that you know how to. Not sure I do!

4:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's interesting to me is that it sounds as if your parents really did try hard to instill a work ethic in you when you were a kid.

So, where'd it go?

6:16 PM  
Anonymous Ole said...

Terribly, terribly unreasonable. Asking the family to pitch in over a public holiday and help get things ready for the relatives?

You have it so tough. Your little friends in the clique never treated you this badly.

4:53 AM  
Blogger Pradaprincess said...

Oh Ole. You've come out to play. Your blade of sarcastic wit seems to have dulled. That's what happens when you leave it too long in your ass.

9:39 PM  

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