Friday, January 06, 2006

Cracking the Vagina Code

I started the morning cleaning up my apartment when I found this New York Magazine that I completely forgot about and spent my time procrastinating reading the magazine. It was the same old shite that you would read from Cosmo or Maxim, about open relationships. the sex life of teenagers was something the writer ripped off from Kids.

But what almost made me upchuck my bagel was the article the The Vagina Dialogues.

It is a picture of a group of writers who either sex columnists. I was going upload the picture but it is just too nauseous that I don't want you all to start projectile vomiting on your key boards. And whatever you do don't buy the print version. It is a 100 times more stomach churning than the web version. Except for Cutler, I have two words for them. Gym membership. Look into it.

Below is the caption of the photo.
How would you describe your most recent sexual experience? Wearing their answers are our panelists, from left, Stephanie Klein (Bliss), (Stephanie, never ever wear those jeans again. They make your thighs look huge. I mean a village in Mongolia could live off the fat of one your thighs for the winter. As for your ass it is ideal for a hip hop video but if you will arrested if you walk into a LA with that. Do yourself a favor and cancel the Krispy Kreme account.

Jessica Cutler (Exhausting). ( She definitely has the stamina. Probably the smartest one of all since she wore and overcoat and didn't show any of the goods except a covered boob flash.)

Amy Sohn (Delicious) (Scarfing down ten Junior Cheesecakes naked does not count as sex. I've seen her on VH1 alot and my best advice is stick with the closeups. Also ditch the Pippi Longstocking look and for god's sake never wear polka dots again.)

Rachel Kramer Bussel (Unexpected) (Of course it was unexpected. You had no idea that you would find a guy drunk enough to sleep with you.)

Elise Neresian (Intense), (Leaving the vibrator on overdrive is always intense. Take breaks because the last thing you want is the motor to burn out and set your pubes on fire.)

and Miriam Datskovsky (Unfinished (for him)) (Of course it was unfinished for him. He ran away when he sobered up and saw her face.)

Photo credit: Christopher Griffith) (Hi. I'm the photographer and these were the most annoying girls to work with except for the girl in the trench coat since she gave me a mercy flash. Not only did they arrive late and demand perks that would make Star Jones gasp it took me five hours to get this shot because they had no idea how to stand side by side so I had my assistant tape down Xs in gaffer tape. I kept yelling at them "Just make imagine that we are doing a shooting an ad for Dove: The fat girl soap." So it's their fault if they look like a bunch of grizzlies. NowI I know why editorial wouldn't chip in for the stylist. Btw, girls, Jessica excluded, you might want to avoid swimming you might get harpooned.)

Double Entendre is the secret code of women or as I like to call it "The Vagina Code". It is our species way of communicating and it is our way of controlling men. However it is not very effective in a corporate setting.

For those of you who are not familiar with the Vagina Code, I am presenting a detailed translation of what they were really saying.

On an unseasonably warm recent night, I gathered five prominent young sex columnists at EN Japanese Brasserie to discuss their careers, love lives, and boyfriends. But what started out as a roundtable quickly turned into The Jessica Cutler Show.

Of course it turned into the Jessica Cutler Show. She is the one with the book deal. She is the one with list of Power Broker conquests. It's all about her.

Cutler, 27, the former Capitol Hill aide who detailed her many Beltway conquests on the now-defunct Washingtonienne blog (and in her subsequent Hyperion novel of the same name), regaled us with tales of cocaine use, the antidepressant she’s on, her reasons for posing nude for Playboy, the seven men she’s dating, and the man who’s suing her for invading his privacy. When it came time for a group photo, Cutler opened her flasher-style trench coat and bared her left breast.

Translation: She is thin, cute, has a better body and makes more money than all of us combined. Of course we all hate her.

Shameless? Absolutely. But who can blame Cutler for wanting attention? It’s a lot tougher to get than when I started out as a sex columnist nine years ago, writing in the New York Press about my attempts to find a sideburned, artistic guy south of 14th Street who’d stay for breakfast.

Six seasons of Sex and the City, one Paris Hilton sex tape, one Jenna Jameson autobiography, and one anal-sex memoir later, the boudoir diarist is now a staple of every publication save the supermarket circular. On college campuses, student newspapers are rife with the musings of (mostly female) authors who’ve only recently lost their virginity yet write about their limited exploits with the explicitness of Howard Stern and the delicacy of Jimmy Kimmel. One of the more intelligent essayists, the Columbia Spectator’s Miriam Datskovsky, isn’t even old enough to drink (although that didn’t stop her from stealing a few sips at our dinner).

Translation: Hopefully we'll all get fat off this hog and prove to teh world that even Shamus like us can be sexy.

Sex columns aren’t always about great sex or great writing, (That's for sure. These girls won't be winning Pulitzers anytime soon.) but the single-girl blog can be a brilliant career move for those willing to reveal absolutely everything. “I get diarrhea more than a normal person,” writes insanely popular Greek Tragedy blogger Stephanie Klein, 30, on a page called 100 Things About Me, where readers can also learn she wet her bed until the sixth grade (No. 1), can’t find Montana on a map (No. 12), lets her dog lick her privates (No. 88), climaxes from intercourse (No. 92), and so on. Klein blogged her way into a two-book deal with Judith Regan, a contract to write an NBC pilot, and a spot at our table.

Behavior that would have gotten me arrested has now fetched me a book deal and a television pilot. Who would have thought beastiality and loose bowels would bring me such success?

So much has been said about sex that the surest way for a young writer to distinguish herself, it seems, is to divulge things no reasonable reader would want to know. But is the widespread availability of too much information changing sex itself? To help hash it out, we also invited Rachel Kramer Bussel, 30, author of the Village Voice’s “Lusty Lady” column, a regular contributor to Penthouse Variations, and editor of a recent spanking anthology; and Elise Nersesian, 26, whose “Sexier Sex” column for Redbook magazine was an attempt to lure younger gals to the gingerbread-scented glossy. (Since our roundtable, she’s defected to Penthouse magazine as well.) Over Japanese cocktails, we got progressively drunker (and cattier), but like nice girls, everyone exchanged phone numbers at the end.

Translation: Porn pays. We may not have the bodies for it but we can make up with it with our writings.

Amy Sohn: So how did you get started?

Jessica Cutler: I was writing e-mails to my friends from my Senate account when I was working as a staff assistant. I didn’t want to be writing from that address, so I just said, Why don’t I just keep a blog? That was in May of 2004. I only wrote thirteen entries, but someone sent the link to a gossip Website in D.C., Wonkette, and then I came back from lunch and everybody in my office was reading it. It was in the Washington Post and the New York Post, and then I got calls from literary agents.

Translation:I am a hot writer with social climbing skills to match. I got lucky and went for it.

Rachel Kramer Bussel: After college, I moved here to go to NYU Law School, and that’s when I started writing stories. I got asked to work at Penthouse Variations, which is my main job. I was writing a bit for the Village Voice, and they asked me to write a column there a year ago. I also write a column at Penthouse about what girls talk about when guys aren’t around.

Translation: I went to law school to look for a husband but school was too hard and there were cuter girls there getting husbands, so I opted to get a job writing for a porn mag because there was going to be a steady stream of men reading it.

Cutler: We laugh about your wieners all day long.

Stephanie Klein: Like all great things, it started with a breakup. I read through my journals, and I realized I was putting so much energy into guys. I said, You know what? I’m going to stop dating, take myself off, and write every day, so I started the blog in January 2004. I also decided to invest my energy in photography. One day, I went to a party and Ivana Trump was there along with a bunch of other celebrities. I got a lot of shots and put them up on my site. Some of the other blogs linked to me, and it caught the attention of the Independent in London. They called me and they were like, “We loved your blog. We’re pissing ourselves over here and we want to feature you, yeah?” And I’m like, “Yeah!” So they ran this story and then the CEO of this publishing house from London came over here and offered me a deal. I ended up refusing that deal, getting an agent here, and writing a book proposal for Straight Up & Dirty.

Translation: I was getting tried of getting hit on by ass freaks and the followers of Sir Mixalot and I saw that all the nice Jewish doctors were being snatched up by cute thin Asian women. I started a blog and put in pictures of myself with every cast member from Celebrity Fit Club and D list celebrity in hopes of attracting a husband. Then some British people found my blog while searching for desperate people looking for attention and were laughing at how attention starved I was. Next thing you know Judith Regan smelled dollar signs and placed me in indentured servitude.

Miriam Datskovsky: I never, ever would have guessed I’d write a sex column. I grew up in an Orthodox Jewish household. I haven’t been observant for years, but it was quite the shock to my mom when I started doing it. During the spring of my freshman year, the Spectator had a contest for a sex columnist. My first column was about how all my guy friends were being really girly and all my girlfriends were being very nonchalant about sex and hooking up.

Translation: I always thought about sex because I never got any growing up in such a repressive household also I wasn't exaclty easy on the eyes. Writing a sex column makes up for lost time. I won the contest because they realize dangerous I would be to the student body without an outlet.

Sohn: Do people assume you’re easy because you’re a sex columnist?

Elise Nersesian: People are fascinated by you, and they also think you’re automatically sexy because of it. Like I’m sitting there surrounded by vibrators. They think you’re great at sex.

Translation: People are fascinated by you because you haven't caught any STDs in the last 3 months.

Cutler: That’s what you want, though.

Translation: That's what I want since I can back it up.

“I get guys who think I’m judging them every second, and believe me, I am. Every woman does that.”
—Jessica Cutler

Translation: I am judging guys and even checking their credit because I am preparing for retirement.

Sohn: Do guys you date expect more of you because of what you do?

Cutler: If a guy wants to date me, he needs to Google me and read a lot of stuff and be cool with it. I get guys who are really intimidated, who think that I’m judging them every second, and believe me, I am. Every woman does that. In New York, I date a lot of attorneys or bankers, and they all want me to sign confidentiality agreements. I tell them, “I’m not going to sign anything!” And then I never hear the end of it, but they never produce a paper. We just keep having sex.

Translation: I am living my fantasy of being the best call girl in all of Manhattan. I want guys to google me and learn everything about me because it saves me time going over the rates in person.

Cutler has been sued by one of her paramours, Robert Steinbuch, a lawyer for the Senate Judiciary Committee, for “disclosure of private facts.” She wrote about him under the pseudonym “RS,” referring to incidents of spanking and hair-pulling. His identity was revealed in the blogosphere after he filed suit a year later.

Translation: The fact that I am being sued by one of the most powerful men in Washington just goes to show the power of my cooter.

Sohn: Talk about the guy who’s suing you.

Cutler: I can’t, for many reasons, but you know what I must think . . . If you want to set a precedent against anytime anyone mentions any sex act that they have with somebody, I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Sohn: So basically, if he wins, it could ruin the careers of everyone at this table.
Translation: Our careers already over. Someone suing us would be a godsend with the publicity it would bring.

Nersesian: Years ago, if you were caught on a sex tape, it would be the end of your career, and now it actually raises your status. There are these strippers who are coming out with memoirs, and it’s these women saying, “We can take off our clothes because we want to be with men, and we can take control of our sexuality like men,” but I think they’re thwarting feminism completely.

Translation: I am so jealous of those strippers and those people in sex tapes because they have now raised the standards in dating a guy and I won't even dare put out my own sex tape.

Datskovsky: I think a lot of people would think that we are thwarting feminism.

Sohn: Do you consider yourself feminists?

Cutler: I always do. I grew up reading Ms.

Translation: Reading a magazine qualifies anyone being a feminist.

Sohn: Didn’t a lot of guys give you money after you had sex with them?

Translation: You f**king whore! You dare trivialize the name of Ms. with your interpretation of feminims. I am going to out you like the street walker that you are.

Cutler: They paid my rent, yeah. It’s not unusual. It’s common practice for guys to give you money, pay your rent, and buy you gifts. They just thought, She makes crap money. Twenty-five K? I still have that going on. I will probably be dating dickholes anyway, so I might as well be letting them pay my rent for me. If they offer, why not say yes?

Translation: Bitch please. At least I am worth paying money for unlike present company. These men are paying my rent, my bills and clothes. It's just like being married without the hassle of a wedding, inlaws and kids.

It becomes clear that there is a schism at the table. Nersesian, Klein and I roll our eyes at Cutler because she offends our p.c. instincts, but Datskovsky and Bussel, on the other hand, nod emphatically—as though her brazenness is an act of rebellion itself. Cutler embodies today’s feminism lite: As long as you’re honest about your desires, no matter how morally vacuous, you’re “kick-ass” and “revolutionary.”

Translation: F**K. This ho has skills and is starting to gain friends. It looks she does have a brain hiding behind that cootchie of death. I better write something dismissive regarding her views so I can look more hardcore than she is.

Bussel: What I think is really interesting at this table is, where are the guys writing about sex, beyond [gay syndicated columnist] Dan Savage? I think it stems from straight guys not being as comfortable talking about sex in general.

Translation: Guys aren't stupid enough to talk about sex because that means they aren't getting any.

Datskovsky: Men are not accustomed to being open about their emotions or fears and concerns and shames. Men can write and talk about sex and not feel like any less of a man—but really only at the joking level.

Translation: If a man is being serious about sex it means they want to get married. Besides if a guy was really honest about talking about sex it would scare the s**t out of most women.

Sohn: Why are sex columnists so popular these days? It seems like they’re everywhere, like in college newspapers. Is it just because of Sex and the City?

Translation: How the f**k are we all still employed? Have we reached our peak? Unless we get the next Sex and the City we are all going to be working at Starbucks for health insurance. Hurry up with that pilot Jessica.

Datskovsky: On the one hand, the show was great because it opened the dialogue.

Translation: Thank god for that show because without it it would have forced me to find a real job.

Nersesian: It made it normal to talk on your cell phone on the street about a blow job and to be open with your girlfriends.

Translation: We always talked about sex with our girlfriends but now thate we talk in the open it doesn't make us look desperate.

Bussel: There’s so much more openness now, whether it’s about being gay or looking at porn, going to strip clubs, trying kinky sex, having a threesome.

Translation: People are so bored with their lives that they need to engage in risque behavior even at the risk of having their privates parts exploding because there is nothing good to watch on tv and after Star Wars Hollywood has run out of good ideas for movies.

Datskovsky: One of my high-school teachers reads my columns, and almost every time he tells me the same thing—it was just like this in the sixties, only then they didn’t talk about it.

Translations: If my high school realized what a sexually repressed girl I was they would have risked getting charged with statutory rape in order to jump my bones.

Klein: Sex has become “no big deal” to a lot of people. That isn’t always a good thing. My father sat me down when I was a teenager and said, “I never want sex to become no big deal to you. Respect yourself enough to do it with someone who’s worthy.” That was a big lesson.

Translation: My father I was hoping I would do the exact opposite so I could quickly get knocked up and get married therefore becoming somone eles's problem. It was a big lesson for me since one sentence curriculms are the maximum amount of data before experiencing cognitive overload.
Cutler: To some people, sex is like a handshake.

Translation: Getting laid for me is shaking hands.

Nersesian: That’s sad.

Translation: It's sad because getting laid is never that easy for me.

Cutler: Not necessarily. It’s different for everybody. I can have good sex with every fourth person. No biggie. But do I get along with them? That’s important.

Translation: Yeah. You are sad. But as long as my partners don't stalk me and pay my rent I'm happy.

Sohn: Do you have therapists?

Klein: No.
Translation: Why I have a therapist when you have a lifetime supply of Krispy Kremes.

Datskovsky: I used to.
Translation: I used to have a therapist but ended up hanging himself after one session with me.

Bussel: I used to.
Translation: Omigod.Me too. That is so funny.

Cutler: This therapist told me, “You’re in your twenties. You’re promiscuous. Big deal. It’s symptomatic of ADD. You get bored easily. You’re thrill-seeking. The thrill-seeking behavior is what is disturbing to me. You just need to be on medication.”

Translation: My therapist is told me that multiple sex partners and engaging in risky behavior is normal for a girl of my age. Having ADD is a great way to excuse the massive drug use.

Sohn: So are you?

Translation: Dude. Are you holding. I could really use a couple of hits of prozac. I used up the last prescription pad I stole.

Cutler: Of course: Strattera. It’s just an antidepressant medication. It helps me write faster. Actually, when I wrote my book, I got Adderall from my friends, and I was typing like a maniac. And that’s the thing, yeah, that and snorting coke helped me write the book really fast.

Translation: I got the hook up. What do you need? Uppers? Downers? Bennies? Hash? If it wasn't for that coke my editor would have put a cap in my ass if I had missed the deadline.

Sohn: Have you ever dated a fan?

Translation: Have any of you been desperate enough to take pity sex from a fan?

Cutler: Some guy came to my reading and I went with him. I still see him. He’s a great guy . . .

Translation: This one dude came by to one of my readings and it turned out to be the best hash connection I ever had.
Sohn: Did you sleep with him?
Translation: You f**ked him didn't you?

Cutler: Oh, yeah, of course. I’ve dated a couple of fans. Why not?

Translation: Hash for sex? F**k yeah. I even did anal for the fans who brought the very best in Peruvian marching powder.

Sohn: Aren’t you afraid that someone is going to be totally psycho?
Translation: You keep this crazy s**t up, and one day someone going to find your headless body ,branded with the satanic verses branded on your ass, in a trunk of a car in Jersey.

Cutler: I love the psycho ones! What’s he going to do, kill me?
Translation: Bitch. I am the Queen of Psychos. That is why no guy is willing to risk their ass with a long term relationship with me.

Nersesian: Yeah.
Translation: Bitch, you is asking for it.

Cutler: What a relief that would be.
Translation: Bitch, shut the f**k up and worry about losing your own virginity. If I did end up at least I wouldn't have to hear your damn whining.

Sohn: What is the most memorable response that you’ve ever gotten from a reader?

Bussel: The weirdest e-mail I got was this guy wanted to take me to Yankee Stadium and wanted to spank each other in the middle of the stands.

Translation: It was the weirdest email because it turned out the guy was my cousin. I was really looing forward to it until he found out we were related and bailed.

Cutler: I don’t get a lot of mail, but I see it on other blogs, and I don’t read other blogs, but friends will send it to me and say, “Oh, so funny, read this! This guy is totally making fun of you.” And it’s always about my Playboy pictorial and how I looked.

Translation: Bitches, I don't have time to answer my mail. I am too busy banging my man fans. The only people who email me stuff are the haters especially those who are jealous of my playboy spread.

Sohn: How much did you show?
Translation: You showed all of the goods didn't you?

Cutler: Everything! I did nude.
Translation: Of course I showed everything bitch. That playboy spread paid my mortgage off.

Klein: Do you worry about having kids someday and what they will think?
Translation: Your kids are going to be scarred for life.

Cutler: I don’t want kids.
Translation: Children are a drain on my finances and pregnancy will ruin my yoga body. Unless I have myself a sugar daddy who will give me a fat prenup there is no way in hell anything is going to be popping out of my cootchie.

Nersesian: Are you sure? You’re only 27.
Translation: Well I hope you are saving your money because no man is going to want to marry a broke down ho at 30.

Klein: I definitely want children, and I hope that I will be honest with them and say, “Look, this is what Mommy does.” Your sexuality is part of who you are.

Translation: Kids. Exposing my sex life and engaging in deviants act against nature got us this great house in Byram Hills and is paying for your tuition at Hackley. So if I hear another word about how I scarred your life I will put you through a wall.

I, for one, am already dreading the inevitable day when my daughter tells me my work has ruined her life. But by then, my writing will probably seem less revolutionary than quaint.

Translation: I hope my kids never reads my work. Hopefully its true mediocre nature will be revealed in time so that they won't even notice.

Sohn: Does a column improve or worsen your sex life? It made mine worse—a lot of guys were afraid of being written about.

Translation: Since starting this column my only companions have been my rabbit and set of old Randy West videos.

Datskovsky: It’s made for some awkward moments. Every guy on campus who doesn’t know me assumes that because I write the column, I want to sleep with them.

Translation: Even though every guy on campus assumes I want to sleep with them they still don't want to sleep with me. Which completely defeats the purpose of writing this column.

Klein: One guy said, “I like you, but I’m very private and I don’t feel comfortable.” And I got upset. A lot of guys would write in and say, “No guy is ever going to want to date you because you write so openly and honestly about this stuff,” and I’d say, “Then he’s not the guy for me.”

Translation: Since I have such a big mouth that no normal man would ever want to be stuck with me. I try to comfort myself by saying that he is not for me but the reality is that I am going end up with some pyscho if I am lucky.

Cutler: I’ve only benefited from mine. The quality of guys has actually gone up, just moving to New York. They don’t care what people say.

Translation: Since I became a full time writer I have hit the jackpot. Guys don't care as long as there isn't a committment involved. I love New York.

Sohn: Do you have a boyfriend?

Translation: Are we ever going to get married?

Cutler: I have, like, seven.
Translation: I am a sugar daddy magnet. Bow down to me.

Sohn: Do they all know about each other?
Translation: Do they know that they maybe swapping STDs?

Cutler: They will now.
Translation: They already signed the waivers.

Cutler goes downstairs, and the photographer gathers us for a few pictures. Elise wants to know if she’s the only one alarmed by Jessica’s opinions, and Stephanie assures her that she’s not. Twenty minutes later, a New York staffer is sent down to retrieve Jessica and finds her flirting with the bartender. She’s escorted back upstairs, where we pose, smiling, like the best of friends.

Translation: We are all pissed at Jessica because she is thin and cute and can get what she wants. We hope she ends up in the cluthces of a serial killer but we all know that girls like her end up getting married to a doctor or lawyer, a big house and raise kids in Greenburgh. Now she is getting free drinks while the rest of us have to pay for it. We should have left her at the bar because now she will look alot hotter being around us when they take our picture.

Kiss and Tell
Rachel Kramer Bussel, 30
“Lusty Lady” columnist for the Village Voice
Column excerpt: “Myth: People who have casual sex are selfish sluts.” Translation: People who have casual sex without me are selfish sluts.
Turn-ons: adorable geeks Translation: These are the only people who are about as desperate as I am.
Turnoffs: bad grammar Transalation: If this is the only thing I care about you can see how low my standards are.
Romantic status: very single Translation: Are you surprised?
Sexual orientation: bisexual Translation: You've seen what I look like. I have to cast a wide a net as possible.

Stephanie Klein, 30
author of the forthcoming memoir Straight Up & Dirty, based on her blog, Greek Tragedy
Column excerpt: “We’re in a cab headed north. He was headed south. My pants are pulled to my ankles. I assume he tipped the driver well.” Translation: I am assuming he tipped the driver because why else would the driver have put my pants back on?
Turn-ons: big, long, hard vocabulary words
Turnoffs: “Guys who can’t multitask, because we’ll never achieve simultaneous orgasms.” Translation: Guys who multitask will be too busy with other things to realize they are committing a crime against humanity when having sex with me.
Romantic status: head over five-inch heels in love Translation: Shoes are the only things that do not judge me.Sexual orientation: horizontal Translation: Standing up is too hard and gives me heart palpitations.

Jessica Cutler, 27
author of The Washingtonienne
Column excerpt: “I like this crazy hair-pulling, ass-smacking dude who wants to use handcuffs on me. Shit.” Translation: I am a freak woman, hear me roar.
Turn-ons: expensive gifts Translation: They best know I fetch a high price on the open market.Turnoffs: going Dutch, poor hygiene Translation: Absolutely no cheap, smelly guys allowed.
Romantic status: “I’m dating around.” Translation: As long as there is a surplus of generous, expensive gift giving guys who bathe on a daily basis, I will be burning up the sheets for quite awhile.

Sexual orientation: “On a scale of one to ten, with one being hetero and ten being homosexual, I’m a three.” Translation: You want Sappo? You better have the dough.

Elise Nersesian, 26
former “Sexier Sex” columnist for Redbook, soon-to-be Penthouse writer
Column excerpt: “Uncut guys have more nerves down there, so when you stimulate him manually or orally, you can do half the work and still send him through the roof.”
Translation: If you are a really lazy woman like me and don't want to put a lot effort in sex only go out with gentilles.
Turn-ons: Woody Allen movies Translation: Ordinary adult films scare me.
Turnoffs: too much hair gel Translation: I perfer KY but it's too expensive.
Romantic status: has a boy toy Translation: Thank god for craigslist.Sexual orientation: straight Translation: As long as I maintain that strategy I have a chance at landing a husband.

Miriam Datskovsky, 20
“Sexplorations” columnist for the Columbia Spectator
Column excerpt: “I always expected sex in college would be easily and readily available. Suffice it to say that my hopes have since evaporated into thin air.” Translation:It seems that I am still having trouble grasping the obvious which is that I need to lower my standards. If I don't get laid in college I am doomed.
Turn-ons: scruffy Jew-fros Translation: It is the closest I will ever get to their pubes.
Turnoffs: oral sex Translation: Atkins never worked for me.
Romantic status: “Single and enjoying it.” Translation:Spinsterhood rocks. .
Sexual orientation: straight Translation: If this keeps up I will have to look at my options.

As far as I was concerned the so called "dialogues." was just a bunch of yenta talk over women liberating themselves through their sexuality and challenging the status quo. It was a very challening and liberating about sex or lack therof. This is exactly what Susan B. Anthony was thinking of when she was fighting for women's rights.


Blogger industry whore said...

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12:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love to crack your vagina code

12:44 AM  
Blogger Pradaprincess said...

I did post a link you whore.

Snicker. I called you a whore.


You will break your neck before you can break my code.

7:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You sound like a very angry person who has a lot of insecurity issues. To put this much time and effort into people you don't even know is a bit pathetic. I dont know these girls in the article, and I'm not commenting on anything they said. But you're being very judgemental. You weren't there, and sometimes the context can be misinterpreted in articles. Maybe you should see someone about your anger issues. To comment on these girl's appearences makes you sound jealous, and catty. Anyone with eyes (or knowledge about photography) can see that these camera angles were created on purpose. Yes, it's an unflattering shot, but I've seen these girls in person and you would retract your words if you saw how slim some of them are. I suggest you look within yourself and figure out if you really have a problem with these girls who you don't know, or if the problem is you.

7:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Jealous much? I've never seen anyone devote this much time to people they don't know. Are you embarrassed that you put this much effort into putting down other people? You're sad. Do you have a job, or a life?

9:31 AM  
Blogger boneycdr2 said...

I think some of the people that read your post have missed the point. We are all riddled with insecurities, so fucking what?! But I have to admit, I did laugh out loud at the wonderfully bitchy diatribe in that post - and it IS funny. The amount of times I either read the kind of shite you lay into or have nothng better to do than sit through some of it in a TV studio setting - and I can't help but fall into paraphrasing what they are saying.

Whatever your reasons for your rant, it made my day. It was hilarious, very articulate and yes, it was long (you gotta know at least one of the offending parties???!!) but hey - it's your party, Pradaprincess.

Regards from a random passerby!

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, I just read your post about the Vagina Dialouges and I read the same article too. I didn't think the article was very well written but at the same time, it sounds like you wish that what you had to say was interesting enough to get picked up by New York mag. Just perused the rest of your blog and it's the most boring piece of shit I have ever read. You sound like a pitiful person.

3:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the worst blog I have ever read. I guess you think you're a comedian? Get some talent. Who is going to read your shit when you have nothing intelligent to say?

4:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

as much as PP is a moron, and as poor a critique this was, these cunts really are all annoying and deserve to be dumped by their husbands once they lose their looks. especially jessica klein.

5:08 PM  
Blogger boneycdr2 said...

Boy (or should that be girrrl?!) - have you stirred up a nest of vipers with an unhealthy grasp of bad language.

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stephanie Klein is awesome, and anyone who has ever read her blog knows that. She can write the pants off of most people on the 'net, including, for a laugh, PP. After PP's pointless diatribe I'm done with this shitty blog for good.

9:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The funny thing is, PP doesn't even know these girls. Jessica Cutler is disgusting, but the rest of the girls were unfairly judged. Sounds like PP is too insecure, and needs a lot of attention. Maybe if her writing was actually good, she'd get recognized for it. There is nothing "cool" or "clever" about dumping all over a bunch of girls who weren't even accurately portrayed in a silly magazine article. If this is how PP conducts all her judgements/assessments of people she must have no friends.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Courting Couture said...

i h8 Steph Klein as well. She isn't hilarious. She's pathetic and fat and all other pathetic fat girls LOVE her because she glorifies their whole situtation of being a Murray hill, over privileged, unaware, zoftig girl waiting for the ring.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By posting nasty comments about people you don't know, you make yourself look stupid. You aren't clever, or a good writer. If you were, you'd be a published author like these girls, and a lot of other people are, instead of writing a pathetic shitty blog that tears other people down. Get a life! I'm not saying I agree with the Jessica Cutlers and Stephanie Kleins of the world, but you are obviously a very mean spirited person to spend this much time putting down other people. You honestly just made yourself look stupid.

7:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know what they can lead a girl to Prada, but can't make her think

2:26 AM  
Anonymous a person said...

hey...whatever happened to 'Ole'? he was your number one fan.

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My question to PP is, why haven't you bothered to reply to these comments? Is it because you know your critics are right? Hmmm?

10:57 AM  
Blogger Kintauna said...

Hey, I think you guys are being a little harsh on Prada Princess (my, that is a clever moniker. Did you come up with it all by yourself?)
Clearly all this chick really needs is a vibrator of her own. Or a life. No fair kicking her when she is obviously already down. I mean LISTEN to her. She is crying out for help...A friend...Won't anyone come to her rescue? PP-My advice is to go back to school and take a basic grammar class, and then apply your newly found information to your writing. It reads like a third-graders diary. While you’re at it, take a writing class. Maybe you will be inspired to do something other than rant about people who make you jealous. Also, I hear many people meet friends and even a potential life partner in school. Do yourself a favor and get out more. You may find you enjoy the light of day and being surrounded by educated people to holing yourself up in whatever dreary little cave you seem to currently inhabit. Peace and love girl, peace and love.
P.S. Don’t forget the vibrator. I am sensing that your hostile vibes might be cured if you unlocked the mysteries of the “Big O”, as they say. Think about it.

7:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Kintauna. I have never read such a nasty, mean blog in my entire life. (who has a name like Prada Princess anyway?) Sounds like it belongs to someone who wants to wear Prada but can't afford it. I feel sorry for PP. She obviously needs a life, and should stop picking on girls she doesn't even know, because she is JEALOUS!

12:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who are you to write all of those things about women you don't even know? You are quite pathetic and insecure to say the least.

2:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prada Princess is a LOSER. First of all, anyone who knows anything about New York magazine knows that Amy Sohn gave birth recently. She is not "fat" as PP calls it. Second, PP's jealousy and insecurity shines through in her petty rant. I have over 600 friends in my MySpace account and after the mass email I just sent out telling people to ban this piece-of-shit blog, PP may just realize how idiotic she is. But my question is, PP: If you're so confident about what you say about other people, why don't you use your real name?

5:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, PP sure is bitter about her own life!!

5:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The best insults are often from personal experience, eh fatty?

12:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the funniest goddamn thing I have ever read.

7:19 PM  

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