Monday, April 24, 2006

Standing tall

This year my sister and her husband are now on the east coast for passover. It wasn't a really big production. It was just the family together eating brisket and watching the Ten Commandments on DVD.

I condfided in my sister while clearing the dishes in what was going on at work.

"Don't tell anyone. I don't want to depress them." I said.

My sister's response.

"We are celebrating a holiday that deals with freedom from slavery, plagues, a really pissed off Egyptian and wandering the desert for a couple of decades. At this point our family is immune to depression."

As we wrapped up leftovers my sister asked me the question.

"What's really bothering you?"

"Nothing. I just want to get canned."

I looked up from the gladware container I just sealed up to see my sister's face. She had the same expression on her face when she caught me with pot and I denied it was mine.

I looked down at the next platter of food and began to dump it into the next container.

"Well. It's just that, well everyone has been so happy that I got this gig. I mean this job wasn't just for me, it was for all of us. Mom and Dad are not stressed anymore and you have stopped calling to yell at me. Now I feel like. Well."

"That your a dissappointment?"

"Yeah. "

My sister sealed up the last container and then walked over to the kitchen counter to pour some ginger ale.

"This is a WYK deal? With this girl from Williamsburg horning in on your job, right?"

"It is a total "Who you know."

"Then forget about it. You have no control over it."

"But I can't help it."

"Yes, you can. Remember when I was going through Match Day?"

"Yeah. You were completely insane that week."

"But the day before it happened I had a moment of clarity. I had just consumed two bottles of Maalox when it came to me. I had nothing to worry about because I wasn't in control. There is nothing for me to be stressed about because it is somone else's decision. Whatever happens, happens."

"Yeah. Yeah."

"Hey. We are going to deal with failure in our lives. We can be on our knees or we can stand all and take whatever comes. It is all up to you."

So I have decided to stand tall. No word yet on whether I am getting the boot. But I am not going to cringe. I am just going to do my job.


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