Saturday, March 25, 2006

This is not the time....

I am going insane right now. I have to do prepare a presentation on fashion trends for a client. Apparently the client saw Matt Lauer doing a piece on new fashion looks for women and has gone apesh*t because she thinks that it will set a precedent. The woman worships at the altar of Katie Couric. Personally I am an Ann Curry girl but that is just me.

Anyway the client was going on about the new fashion terms like the rocker and something called the librarian look. I can still see my boss shaking her head while the client yammered on the speaker phone. My boss assured we would set up a presentation that applies to these trends. The she hung up and reached for her smokes.

"I hate these f**king fashion magazine editors."

My boss lit up a dunhill.

"The only reason they want to get on the Today show is to gratify there already enormous egos and to drum more sales for their fashion rags which of course justifies deforestation."

She inhaled and blew smoke out of her nose like a dragon.

"You would think these fashion magazine editiors would put some effort in their work. But no, they simply rehash old fashion trends, slap on some cliches and turn it into some garment cesspool that would make Janice Dickinson vomit. As far as they are concerned the rest of America shops at Wal Mart so fashion editiors figure as long as they reprocess the information into bite size pieces for them to consume, the money will roll in."

She took another drag.

"And besides why take a risk on something that won't increase magazine sales? Afterall, people who watch the Today show are obviously too stupid to understand sophistication. It's this type of snobbery and ignorance iswhy we have so many red states. The rest of the country is so pissed at this they join grand old party to get back at us New Yorkers."

I think my boss is in the wrong line of work. Perhaps she should have become a sociologist.

That all happened yesterday. And now I am going insane reading fashion magazines and tearing apart google images. To make matters worse this is has to be a powerpoint. I haven't used powerpoint since college. So tomorrow I have to review my old notes on powerpoint.

HOwever what has really caused me to pop my tampon is the the reaction to one of my last entries.

It seems an army of gastric bypass candidates have become outraged over what I said about burlesque. What really suprises you all took some time out of your busy schedules to sample the entire menu of value meals from Mickey D's to read my blog.

No. I am not going to do a smackdown. I should. In fact if I had it my way I would leave bear traps baited with junior's cheescake at your doorsteps and then after capturing you all, hollow you out and sell your husks as wetsuits for hippos. Alot of you really crossed the line but I realize it is not your fault. It is just fat rage.

I am not going to apologize for what I said. I call it the way I see it. And I am only speaking for myself. If you can't get over it then please go somewhere else where freedom of speech is repressed. In fact don't read this blog if you can't laugh or see another perspective.

What is the ideal female body type? I have no f***king clue. All I care about is that my ass doesn't look huge and I don't look like a Vietmanese pot belly pig. That's me. I am not super thin but I have lost a couple of pounds in the last couple of weeks and I am able to wear some outfits I haven't worn in a year.

If you want to shave your head, pierce your nipples with ice picks and run around with a pair of live plucked chickens glued to your bare ass, well go for it. It's your choice. But don't be so naive that no one is going to think your crazy and don't be surprised that people make comments about you.

If these women felt they are breaking down stereotypes by expressing their sexuality through burlesque. Fine. But I am not buying what they are selling. And I don't have to bow down with the rest of the fattened masses to say they are so great. I am not going to shut my mouth just because they are on this holier than thou mission.

As far as I am concerned all I did was make make some humorous comments about obese woman running around with thongs. And for some people, humor is another word for obscene. And if they want to take pot shots at me, well I am cool like that.

But what really pisses me off is the vicousness of some of these comments. And I know that the majority of comments were from women. It is all woman on woman hate. You would think that at least the fairer sex would be able to get along and create a civilized environment for debate. But no. We immediately pass judgement and begin the stoning. This is one of the reasons why women have it so hard being successful since we are tearing each other down. Stop the hate.

I'm so mad. I am going to rip open that box of oreo klondikes.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

A-friggen-men to that last part about the Burlesque dancers lady.

It's about time someone tell these arrogant, unfortunately tattooed, corpulent women that they are NOT indeed big gigantic gifts to the world... And that if they decide to flaunt their wares -- in this case, a plethora of said wares -- they will most likely be subject to the same ridicule and judgement by others that they apparently served to you and your entry.

It's funny because it seems as if they are 'feeding' (wah-wahhh) on precisely what they're rebelling against in that post.

Keep on keepin' on, sister.

7:43 PM  
Anonymous Lauren said...

I left a couple of comments in the post you're referring to. Let me clarify a few things:

1. I'm not fat, but nice try. I do happen to be insecure about my body, though, and it hurt me that you would take uninformed jabs at women just for their weight. It's a disgusting prejudice--as disgusting as racism or sexism.

2. If the post were funny, I would've laughed. But it wasn't, and you're not. Your "humor" is akin to the kind you'd find in a schoolyard; low-brow, cruel and, frankly, not at all amusing or clever.

3. I think you should respond to whatever comments set you off. Let us know what you think. Throw out some counter-points. I'm eager to hear what you have to say, honestly.

5:57 AM  
Anonymous Andale said...

I find women who don't objectify themselves through the use of fashion magazines and inane television absolutely disgusting.

How dare they look differently to the modern ideal? How DARE they purport to be an alternative to the sanitised, homogenised ideal of what a woman should be?

What really sickens me, and PP will empathise with this, is their refusal not to hide themselves away and spend the rest of their lives eating the entire MacD's sampling menu while crying bitterly into a copy of Fat Bitch Monthly. They know all right-minded people hate looking at them? So why inflict themselves on the rest of us... on normal-looking people like PP who, god love her, is only doing her best as a precursor to spending her entire life being a brood-mare for someone with the surname Van Pelt or Hudes. I say her entire life, but... let's be honest here... the second she pops out two little Bonfire of the Vanities prep-school kids, he'll be off to nail a 19-year old Camden girl. If he hasn't already. And never look at her without contempt and loathing. Ever. Again.

7:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"It is all woman on woman hate. You would think that at least the fairer sex would be able to get along and create a civilized environment for debate. But no. We immediately pass judgement and begin the stoning."

Hypocritical much? Apparently your logic is as dreadful as your writing.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Courting Couture said...

pshaw. it's come to the point where i find haterade as a compliment. I mean, they're finding you interesting enough to stalk you and even COMMENT. Better to be hated than ignored. Because that would mean, you're like one of them.

hmm what about punky prep for a new style? or smelly pirate hooker?

5:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, I left a comment on your blog that heavily critisized your writing. And, while I hold to my opinions, I apologize for stating them so cruelly. I was only feeding into the cycle of hatred, and I'm sorry to have hurt your feelings.

7:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It just all makes me sad.
No one, not even you, deserves to feel bad about themselves.

I'm sure you have a gift or two hidden somewhere.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"But this isn’t self esteem camp"

Actually it kind of is. One of the many reasons people perform burlesque is to get over feelings they have about themselves. And one of the topics covered in class was poise, grace and general self-esteem including comprehensive tips and techniques.

10:41 AM  

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