Sunday, October 07, 2007

Before and after

Anyways, Rantman was going apes**t over the new Indian Jones movie and he practically creamed in his jeans when he heard that Karen Allen from the first movie was in it.

When he saw the most recent photo he could not stop gushing over her.

"Isn't she beautiful?" He exclaimed.

"She had some work done." I said as I munched on a rice cake.

"No she didn't. She looks just like she did from the first movie."

"You can't look that good without help from a plastic surgeon."

"Karen Allen would never do that. She is so anti-hollywood. I mean she was in Animal House. That is just make up and lighting."

So I went back to my cube and did a search on Karen Allen and found smoking gun.

"Take a look at this." I said finishing off rice cake crumbs.

"Who the hell is that?"

"Dude, this is your girl friend."

"No f**kin way."

"Yes f**king away."

"Wow. She's old."

"It happens."

"She was my first childhood crush. Thanks for destroying those memories."

"Happy to help."

I don't know why but I got grim sense of satisfaction from what I did. I mean there is nothing wrong with plastic surgery. Once my parts start to sag I plan on getting them tightened up. As far as I know, Karen Allen looks fantastic and more power to her for going under the knife and the botox needle. From what little I know about her it appears that she is not the type of woman to deny she had plastic surgery unliek other celebrities.

But it was the fact that Rantman was so enamored that I realized that I needed to pull back the curtains to reveal what the wizard looked like.

Later that day I found out that Rantman was also a fan of the biggest loser and he also had a thing for Kim Lyons.

"Hey Rantman."

"Go away."

"Come over here. I have something to show you."


"Just go away."

"I am not going to leave you alone until you come over here."

"You are just going to crush my spirit."

"Exactly. Now you can get it over with now or I can drag out the pain for the next 3o months."


Rantman got up and walked over to my screen.

"That isn't who I think it is." He said with his eyebrows raised.


Then Salad Dancer and The Crow walked by.

"Gummi worm?" Salad Dancer offered.

"Who's the dude in the bikini?" Crow asked

"It's not a dude. Its Kim Lyons." Rantman muttered.

"Who's Kim Lyons?" asked Salad Dancer.

"Oh, uhh she's on the biggest loser." Crow answered.

"She is the trainer for the red team." Rantman muttered some more.

The Crow and Salad Dancer began to talk while, Rantman stared in horror and I just sat back watching the circus.
"I love that show. My favorite part is watching the final episode to see how much weight they all lost."

"Are you sure that's Kim and not her brother?"

"I knew those things were implants. I mean they are hardly move when she works out with her team."

"I always thought that it was just a really good sports bra."

"Sports bra is that good."

Then Rantman pulled a TMI.

"I have to pull her out of my spank bank."

"Spank bank? Oh. That is so gross!" groaned the Crow.

"Dude that is not cool. I do not need to know about your social life." chimed Salad Dancer.

I just grinned, pleased with myself for causing the train wreck.



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